You want a lot from this world, Tully. Me, I just want you.
It aint exactly lock-and-key perfect, is it?
Heres what matters: Ill always love you.
Light the world on fire.
It was signed simply, C.
"I thought he loved me," Tully said when Kate handed her back the letter.
"It sounds like he does. "
"Then why would he leave me?"
Kate looked at her friend, hearing the distant echo of all the times Tully had been abandoned by her mother. "Did you ever tell him you loved him?"
"I couldnt. "
"Maybe you dont love him, then. "
"Or maybe I do," Tully said, sighing. "Its just so damned hard to believe in. "
That was the fundamental difference between them. Kate believed in love with all her heart; unfortunately, shed fallen in love with a man who didnt know she existed. "What matters now is your career, anyway. Theres always time for love and marriage. "
"Yeah. When Ive made it. "
"Yeah. "
"Someone will definitely love me then. "
"The whole world will love you. "
But later, long after Tully had said, "Screw him anyway," and laughed a little desperately, Kate couldnt expel those last words from her mind. Suddenly she was worried.
What if someday the whole world loved Tully and it still wasnt enough?
Tully had forgotten how long and lonely a night could be. For so many years, Chad had been her protection, her port. With him, shed learned to sleep through the night, breathing peacefully, dreaming only of her bright future, and because hed loved her, shed slept well in her own bed, too, on their nights apart, comforted by the knowledge that she could go to him anytime.
She threw the covers back and got out of bed. A quick glance at the alarm clock on her nightstand revealed that it was just past two oclock in the morning.
As shed thought: long and lonely.
In the kitchen, she put a pot of water on the stove and stood there, waiting for it to boil.
Maybe shed made a mistake. Maybe this emptiness she felt right now was love. With the life shed led it made sense that she would notice the negative of an emotion rather than the positive. But if she did love him, what difference did it make? What would she do? Follow him to Tennessee and settle in university housing and become Mrs. Wiley? How would she be the next Jean Enersen or Jessica Savitch then?
She got a big KVTS cup out of the cupboard and poured her tea, then went to the living room, where she sat on the couch, tucking her feet beneath her, warming her cold hands on the porcelain. Fragrant steam floated upward. She closed her eyes and tried to let her mind clear.
"Cant sleep?"
She glanced up and saw Kate, who stood in front of her bedroom door, wearing the same flannel nightgown shed worn for years. Tully usually teased her that she looked like one of the Waltons, but tonight she appreciated the familiarity. It was funny how a single garment could remind you of years together—slumber parties and makeovers and breakfasts spent watching Saturday morning cartoons. "Im sorry if I woke you. "
"You walk like an elephant. Is there more tea water?"
"The pot is on the stove. "
Kate went into the kitchen and came back with a cup of tea and a box of Screaming Yellow Zonkers. Tossing the box between them, she sat down facing Tully, leaning against the arm of the sofa. "You okay?"