In the last four years, I have changed a lot. I don’t know if I have grown exactly, but I’m definitely not that same girl who ran away. I wonder how much this place has changed.
Eventually, it’s time for me to leave the airport. I suck in a deep breath and head towards the taxi line, barely looking at the scenery as I go. Thankfully, there are a lot of cabs around, so I slide in the first one and reel off my home address. The words feel foreign in my mouth. I haven’t given anything from here a lot of thought for a long ass time. I can’t help but look out of the window as we drive through town, and it strikes me hard to see how similar everything is. Not much has changed. It’s like I haven’t even been gone.
Sadie isn’t here though. I can’t forget that my best friend is no longer in this town and not because she gone off to college somewhere, out living her life, but because she’s in the fucking ground.
An unexpected tear leaks down my cheek as that hits me. I haven’t cried much about the loss since I left because I’ve been trying to run away. But now, I’m weeping for the girl who hasn’t been given a chance to see the rest of the world or realize her potential. She could have had everything, she could have changed the world. It isn’t fair. Sadie Willis deserved more than what was given to her.
I need to go to her grave at some point before I leave again. I need to say the sorry I never got the chance to before… because I left. I was a mess at the funeral, and then I had that argument with Garrett, so I don’t think I ever really said that I am sorry about what I did and what happened. There is a whole lot that I need to get off my chest, and now is the time. I might not get another shot, because once I leave, I’m never coming back.
It isn’t long before the cab pulls up outside my house and I hand him some bills. I don’t know if the driver spots my tears, I refuse to meet his eyes just in case, but he gets my bags out and drives off quick enough. Not that I can blame him.
I stay right where I am in the street for a while, staring at my house, thinking to myself what it was like to live here, when I was happy. To remember what it’s like to stay in one place for a long period of time. I haven’t done that since I left, I’ve always been looking forward to where I am going next. What country, what city, what place.
But I am going to be in one place for a while now, to make sure my father has someone caring for him. He needs me more than ever now, and since he was always there for me growing up, through the hardest time of my life, it was time for me to be there for him. He wouldn’t have asked me if he didn’t really need me. So, I’m going to have to push everything related to Sadie and Garrett to the side for the moment. I can’t worry if Garrett is still around. It doesn’t matter. Our paths won’t cross, I will do everything I can to make sure of that, and it isn’t like we’ll talk to each other even if we do see one another. He made his feelings about me very clear the last time we spoke… four years ago when he gave me that look and shut me out of his life forever. And out I stayed. I need to focus on my Dad.
I step forward, my heart hammering against my rib cage as I go. I pause by the door, almost knocking because it feels like I shouldn’t really be here, but I stop myself at the last moment and push the door open.
“I’m here!” My voice echoes through the house. It feels far more empty than ever before. “Dad, it’s me, I’m just going to go and dump all of my stuff up in my room. Then I will be back down…”
Dad saunters into the hallway, like he’s done a million times, but he doesn’t look like the person I left behind. He’s thinner now, gaunt almost, definitely sick. I didn’t realize how bad this had gotten. How did he not tell me things were this bad? I should say something, I know that I should. I need to ask him what’s going on, but I can’t find the words.
“Oh, Dad.” Instead, I drop everything and race over to him, to throw my arms around him.