I sob into his chest, crying everything out, and my father just holds me. He holds me and lets his shirt get wet as everything erupts. Maybe nothing has changed in this town, but somehow everything has.
How many life changes can I go through before it crushes me? I honestly don’t know how long it will be before I give up. I’m trying…
“It’s so good to have you back, sweetheart,” he says quietly to me. “You look great…”
I step back and laugh a little through the tears. “You have seen pictures. I sent you some from everywhere I went.”
“I know, but no pictures are the same as looking at you in person.” There are tears in his eyes as well. “Go and put your stuff in your room and I will make some coffee.”
I nod, taking the stairs two at a time, until I reach my bedroom. It’s only when I get inside my room that I realize my mistake. It’s exactly as I left it, including pictures of me and Sadie as far as the eye can see. It’s a shrine. All the experiences that we shared together are brought back like a punch in the chest. It might as well have knocked me out.
“Fuck, Sadie.” I take one of the pictures down and sob as I see myself and Sadie with our arms tightly holding on to one another and laughing, just like always. Sadie and I laughed a lot. “I miss you, girl. I wish you were here. I can’t do life without you.”
I take another picture down, then a few more. I end up taking every single picture of me and Sadie down because I can barely stand to look at them. I don’t want to hide them so that I can’t ever see them again, but I don’t think I can stand to see them while I’m here.
“Damn it, this is going to be harder than I thought.” I wipe the tears off.
Chapter 12 – Garrett
“I need another drink.” I slam my glass down hard on the bar. “That wasn’t strong enough.”
After a hard day at the office, all I want is a buzz. I need something to dull my buzzing mind. Even though it wasn’t the hardest day, I still need to drink myself stupid. I stumble, which is more because of how tired I am rather than how much I have had to drink. I didn’t sleep much last night… I don’t sleep much ever.
“Beverly…” I slide my glass over. “Beer me.”
“Beer? That’s not what you’re drinking. That looks more like whiskey to me…” She cocks her head to the side and smiles. But it’s the sad smile filled with sympathy. I’m used to that fucking smile and it always pisses me off. Sadie died years ago, there is no need to still look at me that way. “How are you?”
“Good, thanks.” I smile back, trying to reassure her with my eyes. Not that it will work, it never does. “Great.”
“Yeah, sure.” She might as well be rolling her eyes with the tone of her voice. “You know what I heard? You know Paul Michaels? My friend who lives down the road from me… his daughter came home. He’s needs care, so came home. Isn’t that nice?”
“N… nice?” I don’t have words. I didn’t even know that Paul was sick, I try to listen to as little about that family as I can ever since Jill ran away without saying goodbye. Obviously it’s bad enough to bring Jill back from her adventures doing whatever she’s been doing. Which means she is here. Living down the road from Beverly. In the same town as me.
“Yeah. What a sweet daughter. He’s lucky to have her here …”
Paul might be happy to have Jill back in town, but I’m not. I feel sick to my stomach. Jill Michaels shouldn’t be back here, she can’t be, not after what happened. Much as I was upset for her running out on me, she also did me a favor because I didn’t need to face the person I share the responsibility with for my sister’s death.
Fuck, and now I might actually have to see her. I’m not ready for that. I’ve pushed it all down and got on with my life. This just ruined an already shitty night.
“Here is your drink.” Beverly slips the glass my way and I snatch it up. I give her money, probably too much to be honest, and I head back to the table. “Don’t you want your change?”
I don’t. I can’t be bothered, money isn’t important to me right now. I’m too busy thinking about what I would say to Jill if I saw her. I feel a tsunami of feelings hit me that I haven’t felt in years. All this time I’ve been hanging on by a thread, and this just threatened to snap it in a matter of seconds.