I wait. I keep myself back and wait to see what’s going to happen, but nothing happens. That’s it. That’s all I get.
Nothing happens at lunch time even though we are in the cafeteria at the same time. She smiles, but that’s all. She definitely doesn’t seem like she’s racing to get me back. I might not like it but I have to accept it for what it is.
I don’t get anything after work either. I half expect a phone call or maybe even a text message, but nothing. I don’t have to like it but that doesn’t mean the message isn’t clear. Jill and I are friends. Barely even friends. More like the cordial acquaintances that we tried to be in the beginning.
But I will always be here if she wants me, I’m not going anywhere. Right now, I’m just grateful that Jill is still here, and she hasn’t run off. While she is still in my life then there is a chance for us to get the happily ever after we always dreamed of. Jill is “the one” for me. I felt it then, and I feel it now more than ever.
Chapter 25 – Jill
Weeks Later – 2019
“Urgh, this sucks.” I don’t know what it is, but every morning for the last few weeks I have woken up feeling awful. Sick, sometimes even throwing up, just not myself. At first, I thought that it was just the stress of losing my father, but now I’m starting to think that I am genuinely ill. Luckily, I have my doctor’s appointment this morning, I have off until lunch time which means I can get this figured out once and for all… and not a moment too soon. I can’t take another day of this.
I can’t really grieve while I’m feeling so sick. Or maybe I have grieved, and this is something different, I don’t really know. I just don’t want to feel this way anymore. I need to get my sorry ass out of bed to get dressed or I won’t be going anywhere. But I know as soon as I move, I’ll throw up…
Just as suspected, as soon as I move even the smallest inch, I have to run off to the bathroom to let the nasty tasting vomit spill out. My knees might as well be imprinted on the floor because I’m here so much.
“Damn it.” I run my fingers through my hair, hating how sticky and greasy it feels.
I ache as I stand. Every part of me hurts, but I manage to get myself to the bedroom, to dress in my baggiest sweatpants and a tee shirt. I definitely don’t look good enough for work, but I’m not worrying about the office right now. By about mid-day I usually feel a lot better anyway so I can get changed then.
“Right, time to go,” I gasp through each horrible bile feeling breath.
The hypochondriac part of my brain imagines the worst. Especially since it was only a short time ago that my dad passed away. I’m sure today they will just tell me that it’s a virus. Just take a few pills and everything will be back to normal. Thank God, because I really need something normal in my life right now.
I check my reflection in the mirror just before I head out the front door and immediately regret it because I look just as rough as I feel which isn’t great.
***
I don’t feel any better as I sit in the doctor’s waiting room. I jiggle my leg fast as I wait for my name to be called out, growing increasingly panicked as the time goes past. The more that I have to wait, the more I begin to imagine the worst news. Much as I want answers, the closer I get, the more anxious I become.
“Jill Michaels.” Oh my God. I rise to my feet with a smile on my face, trying to act like I’m calm and in control, I walk towards the nurse. “This way please.”
I don’t know what exactly happens when I get into the doctor’s office. A bunch of words are spoken, some tests are run, including a blood test, and I’m told to wait some more. It feels like a blur.
I honestly don’t know how much time I spend in the doctor’s office, but, after what feels like forever, I hear words that shock me to the core.
“You are pregnant, Jill.”
Pregnant? I can’t be pregnant, can I? Although… I suppose if I really think about it, that night when me and Garrett caved, we were too caught up in the heat of passion to be careful. We didn’t even think about protection. I know that I certainly didn’t.
“B… baby?” I stammer back. “I’m having a baby? I can’t believe I’m having a baby.”
The room swirls around me, I feel drunk and sick. Morning sickness, oh my God, that’s why I have been feeling ill. It all makes so much sense now… sense in the worst possible way. I mean, not that this is necessarily bad news, it’s a child, brand new life in a world, a world where things have been stripped away from me, so this is positive, it’s just happening at such a terrible time.