I place a call to my dad from the hallway to let him know that she has passed on. I don’t think I have ever heard my daddy cry until now. Just because they have been divorced all these years doesn’t mean he don’t care for her. “I’m so sorry daddy. I’m so sorry,” I cry into the phone as he sobs.
He isn’t able to regain his composure long enough to tell much else accept that he’ll call me soon to talk.
I pick my son up from daycare and take him home, we spend the evening curled up in Faye’s recliner together. “Mam Mam,” he says pointing at her picture on the side table.
“No baby, Mam Mam has gone to be with the angels.” It’s hard to fight back my tears as my baby keeps asking to see her.
After getting Jace tucked in, I make a call to Trina at the club and Chrissy at the salon to let them know I won’t be in for a few days, that my mother has passed away. Each of them sends me their condolences and tells me to take as much time as I need.
I call the last person I ever expected to call. I call Brian. I can’t believe his number is listed.
“Hello.”
“Brian, I need you,” I whisper into the phone.
“Who is this?”
I clear my throat. “It’s me B, it’s Aria.”
“Aria, is this really you?”
“Yes, it’s me. I have no right to ask this of you but my mother has passed away, and I don’t want to be alone.” I almost want to take back my words, but I don’t. It’s time to right the past.
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve been thinking about you. A lot lately. Arai...” he trails off in thought, possibly shock.
“Please, Brian. I can’t do this alone.”
“When is the funeral, I can clear a day to be there, just name it.”
“The funeral will be held in a day or two.” I tell him where I am and there is no taking it back once the words leave my lips.
“It will take some rescheduling, but I’ll be there, email me the information.”
Oh my God! Did I really just call Brian and ask him to come here?
**
Caroline comes over after she gets home from work to keep Jace so that I can go to the funeral home to finalize the arrangements. My father called not long after I spoke with Brian, said he helped mom get her finances settled before she passed away and he called her attorney. Things I wish my mother would have entrusted to me, but maybe she didn’t want to stress me out.
Her body has already been transported to the funeral home. Thankfully, Faye was better prepared for this than I knew. She even has a casket picked out. It’s a charcoal gray. The inside is white satin and embroidered with roses. She had life insurance and she had most of the details setup with her attorney. The insurance isn’t much but it is enough to cover the expenses for her burial.
Everything is happening so fast. I wish I could rewind time and go back and be a better daughter. I should have been there for her more. I should have made Bender be more present in her life.
I sign the necessary paperwork, finalizing the details.
Now that the details are final, I go home to e-mail Brian. I can’t believe I am finally going to tell him about Jace. Caroline has agreed to keep him for me during the funeral and while I talk to Brian afterwards. If everything goes well, then I will have her bring Jace over to meet him.
My father wanted to be here, but I understand it’s hard for him. I think a part of him has always still been in love with her.
I send the following e-mail To Brian.
Me: Brian,
I don’t even know where to begin. It’s not you, it’s me. Sounds so lame, but it is the truth. I will explain everything after the funeral. Thank you so much for agreeing to come. I know I don’t have the right to ask much of you. I know you have questions, and I hope to answer them all for you soon. The funeral is tomorrow. I am so sorry for the short notice. I can pick you up from the airport if you need me to just let me know. Thank you so much for coming. I can’t wait to see you.
Aria
Brian: I don’t understand, what did I ever do wrong Aria?