“But maybe I am.” I lifted my chin to look him square in the eyes. It hurt, but I didn’t look away. “There’s a part of me, a part that doesn’t want to follow the rules. It hates order and good. Every time I battle a demon, I can feel it inside of me, bursting to be set loose. What if it gets free one of these days? What if it takes over? I can’t promise it won’t make me do terrible things. I can’t promise it won’t make me hurt you.”
With a gasp, I dropped Gabe’s hands. Until I said it aloud, I’d never considered my demon side wanting to hurt him. But there it was. That little tinge of red in my head, begging for a bit of violence. Until we knew more about this demon nature and if it could be controlled, everyone around me was in danger. I was like a ticking time bomb. The further Gabe stayed away, the better. He’d thank me in the long run. Even if he’d hate me now.
“You won’t hurt me.” He edged closer. I couldn’t help but notice the muscles in his jaw working. It drove me crazy when he did that. “I know you, Lizzy.”
“But, you don’t.” I stepped away, putting a cream plush chair between us. The more distance the better. This was already painful. “Not really. I don’t even know myself. You can’t be with me. Not anymore.”
Confusion and then panic ran across his face. “You don’t mean that. We’re partners.”
“But can’t one of us choose to end the partnership?”
I looked at Manuel for my answer. There was a way. I remembered Raquel chatting away one day about a partnership between two Nephilim that had been dissolved. Apparently, it was really rare, but it occasionally happened.
He shrugged and nodded at the same time, confirming my suspicious.
“There, you see? Even Manuel knows I have the right to disavow my partnership.”
Gabe dropped his hands and sped toward the door, pain thick in his voice. “You know what? I’m not listening to this. You’re not in your right mind and when we get through this demon nonsense, you’ll see. I’m not going to let you end us just because you’re scared.”
He gave me one last hurt look, just enough to drive a spear through my heart. With a yank, the metal door flung open and he was gone. Already, I missed his comforting presence. I wanted to hurl myself into the nearest chair and angry cry. If Manuel hadn’t still been in the room, I would’ve, but he stood there silently so I had to swallow my sobs for later.
“You’re doing the right thing,” he offered after a minute of awkward silence.
I resisted the flash of anger that came over me and shrugged.
“You need some distance from your ties here,” he continued. “Without them distracting you, maybe we can tame this beast.”
The beast that lived inside me. The descriptor felt right, as if finally giving this demonic entity a name. The beast. It’d been there all along, in my lonely and dark hours and during my happiest. It was a parasite on my soul, a blight on my innocence. Despite the fact that it was nothing new, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d suddenly become disfigured. The beast was responsible for that. My soul had become ugly.
“Tell me what to do,” I said to Manuel, gripping the back of a chair tightly until my fingers ached. “Tell me how to beat this. I don’t want to be the key. I don’t want to have this demon inside of me.”
He rubbed his hand across his clean-shaven chin, studying me. All my hopes relied on his help. If we could learn how to suppress the demon, I might have a chance making it in the Nephilim world. Maybe they wouldn’t kill me. And maybe, I could still have Gabe...
“Silvia doesn’t want me to waste my time with you,” he said slowly, his eyes dark.
I gulped, already feeling disappointment flair in my stomach.
“But Silvia doesn’t get to dictate my every move.” He moved closer until I could smell the musty scent of his cologne. Taking my hand in his, he squeezed it and gave me a grim smile. “You and I will beat this, or we will die trying.”
I threw myself into his arms, crying out in relief. He stiffened against my body for a moment, apparently shocked at my display of affection. But before I could pull away, I felt his arms relax and he patted me on the back.
“Let’s get started,” I said, blinking back tears. “The sooner, the better.”
Chapter Eleven
Sweat dripped from the tip of my nose, soaking into the blue and yellow paisley rug of my new cell. Blood flooded my cheeks as I held the push-up position. With my arms already shaking, I took a
deep breath and held it for another thirty seconds. Collapsing into a pile on the floor, I relished the endorphins that flooded my aching muscles.
Just because I’d been banished to the manor dungeon didn’t mean I needed to grow soft. Manuel had prescribed a list of exercises that I could use to keep my physique in check. With nothing else to do over the past few days, I’d pushed my body in ways that left me exhausted and achy in the evenings.
I enjoyed the strange form of self-torture. It was a sort of punishment for this shell of a body that had betrayed me—housing an evil entity along with its owner. Either way, I was going to build it up until it could hold its own against that demonic blood.
This was going to be my ticket out of the manor dungeon and back into the good graces of my family. With Manuel’s help, we’d whip this demon into shape and right out of my head. Exercise the body and exorcise the demon. I planned to throw my all into the process. Tackle it head on.
The solution had come to me sometime in the restless night. I had to use the demon’s own powers against it. Focus all the rage I’d been feeling into defeating it. Once my demon was gone, I could take care of Elizabeth. And all would be right in the world again. They’d let me out of the dungeon and I could be with Gabe again. My heart ached at the mention of his name.
“Good, good,” Manuel said from the doorway. “You’re improving.”