Ends of the Earth

Jason’s heart raced, goosebumps waving over his bare arms despite the heat of the afternoon sun. He returned Ben’s smile, and the insane urge to hug him tolled through Jason like a bell. Ben got it. “You’re right. I…” He looked down at his pad, gripping the pencil so tight he might snap it.

“Draw, draw!” Ben grinned. “Maggie and I will be over here talking about rocks and trees.”

Maggie tugged Ben’s hand, walking farther down the lookout, mercifully not any closer to the edge. Jason was completely confident she was safe with Ben, and he turned his attention to the paper, his pencil flying over the pages as he drew the view from different angles, capturing what he saw in each direction.

Then he focused on Maggie and Ben. Ben crouched, pointing into the distance as he spoke, Maggie nodding and listening avidly. Jason wished he had brought the colored pencils he’d left in the tent to capture the hint of dark red in Ben’s thick hair, or the blue of his eyes…

I’m attracted to Ben.

The words were becoming familiar now, but no less frightening. Or maybe that was the wrong word.

Exhilarating.

Yes, Jason’s belly fluttered with butterflies, nervous energy sending his pencil careening almost off the page. He turned to a fresh white sheet.

Although he didn’t pay attention to women the same way, he’d always written off his long looks at other men as mere admiration. Envy of their fit muscles, appreciation of hard work at the gym. Nothing more. It had been easy to do because his recognition of other men’s attractiveness had always been…theoretical. Safe.

He’d been able to tell himself it was like appreciating a sculpture in a museum because he’d had the same distance from them. But now here was Ben. Ben, who had smoothly slipped under the barricade in a blink.

For years, Jason’s life had been Maggie and work. Work and Maggie, with as much sleep as he could steal in between. Now, far from the normalcy of home and routine, a protective layer had somehow been stripped away. He was feeling things the tunnel vision of his responsibilities had apparently blocked out. He watched Ben with a longing unlike anything he’d ever experienced, and it was more than physical attraction.

Breathing deeply, he calmed his shaking hands and drew one more image.

As they drove to the next lookout, Ben flicked on the radio, flipping through a couple of stations playing commercials. Then he hit one with music, and before Jason could stop himself, he said, “I love this song.”

Ben turned up the radio with a quizzical smile. “Is this…Will Smith?”

As “Wild, Wild West” filled the truck, Jason’s cheeks burned. “I loved this movie when I was a kid. Steampunk. It was cool.”

Ben’s eyes twinkled. “You know all the words, don’t you?”

Screw it. “As a matter of fact, I do. No shame.” He started rapping along as Maggie giggled. Ben drummed his fingers on the wheel to the beat, and joined in at the chorus. They sang terribly except for Ben, but it didn’t matter. In that moment with the sun and sky and mountains all around, peace and happiness sang through Jason along with cheesy Will Smith.

When the song was over, Ben and Maggie applauded, and Jason gave a little bow. The traffic was slow as everyone admired the views. Maggie leaned forward as far as she could without taking off her seatbelt in the middle seat of the pickup bench. Jason and Ben shared a smile at her excitement, and Jason realized how rarely he had that gift. He’d been so determined to raise Maggie on his own.

He tried to keep his voice casual as he asked Ben, “Do you have kids?”

Ben kept his gaze on the road, his soft smile undeniably sad. “No. My ex and I talked about adopting, but it didn’t happen for us. He has a baby with his new husband.” The smile grew brittle, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. “It’s great for them.”

“Oh.” Jason’s head spun. Ben was gay or bi or whatever. When he’d winked at Jason when they were rafting… Had Ben been hitting on him? Breath caught in his throat as they rounded a corner, a glacial lake sparkling far below, Jason definitely wanted the answer to be yes. What did that mean?

“Is that a problem? That I’m gay?” Ben’s voice had gone as sharp-edged as his brittle smile.

“What? No, no. Of course not.” Jason shook his head.

“There’s nothing wrong with gay people,” Maggie said. “Mrs. Wexler’s gay. She was my teacher last year. She’s awesome. She let me bring in a little piece of dolomite I dug up in the woods for show and tell.”

“It’s not a problem at all,” Jason added. “I was just… I—” He broke off, swallowing hard as Ben gazed at him over Maggie’s head, the traffic at a standstill as they approached the next lookout.