Here With Me

For two days, I’ve cried. The pain is so intense, sometimes I can’t breathe.

I’ll never recover.

I don’t want to recover.

Losing Sawyer is more than a breakup. It’s losing my life—years of holding his hand, turning to him when I’m lost or alone. It’s abandonment.

I told everyone I had a stomach bug and stayed in bed until Wednesday. Ma took my temperature and said she couldn’t figure it out. I didn’t have a fever.

Still, she let me be. The festival is so much work, everyone’s pretty exhausted once it’s over.

I messaged Ramona to make sure Beth Hebert wasn’t causing trouble. My favorite nurse said so far, nothing had happened.

I messaged my bestie, to be sure… and Noel confirmed her brother left town. So sudden, and so unlike him. He never does anything spontaneous, and he hates big cities… She didn’t put us together after our dance at the festival. Like I told him, we didn’t arrive together. Everyone assumed we were just old friends dancing.

Everyone but the very few who knew the truth.

Today is Wednesday, and I’ve got to get back to work.

“Rosemary Leblanc is Ms. Silver Peach.” I turn the Xeroxed newsletter in my hands. “She didn’t even wear a bikini.”

“She gave a really good interview.” Mrs. Irene stands in front of the window, pressing her fingertips in the soil of her plants. “They asked her what made her different from the other contestants.”

“What in the world did she say?”

“She’s never slept with Jimmy Hebert.”

I cut my eyes at her. “You’re joking.”

“I am.” Her eyes dance, and she covers her smile with her fingers. “She said something about world peace and feeding the children…”

She’s in a happy mood, and I try to smile, not wanting to bring her down. She knows me too well. “I expected a bigger laugh out of that one. What’s wrong?”

Clearing my throat, I do my best to swallow the pain in my chest. “Sawyer’s gone.”

It’s the most I can get out without breaking down.

Her smile fades, and she puts an arm around me. “Gone?”

“He packed a big suitcase and went to Nashville. He said he has friends there.”

She appears confused. “Is he coming back?”

“I don’t know.”

Her lips press into a frown, and she leads me to sit on the edge of her bed. “This isn’t the first time he’s shut you out.”

“It’s the last time.” I inhale a shaky breath. “He said it’s over.”

Mrs. Irene puts her arms around me. “You’re going to survive this.”

I don’t even try to stop my tears. “It doesn’t feel that way.”

Holding me, she rocks side to side. I hold her arm and listen to the sound of her humming. It’s a song I don’t know, soft and sad.

After a few minutes, I have to get up and find a box of tissues. “My face is a mess.”

She studies me, waiting as I blow my nose. “I’ve never asked you this, and I want you to think about it before you answer.”