If I Let You Go

“Hold on,” I interrupted. “When did you say you broke things off with her?”

Dominic averted his eyes.

“Oh God,” I said, wearily rubbing my eyes.

I’d never once thought that having sex with Dominic was anything more than two people venting their frustration, but the idea that he might have been thinking about someone else at the time didn’t exactly fill me with joy.

“We need some time out,” I said. “Because at the moment, when we’re together, everything just gets messier. I’ll stay at Neil’s tonight, and I’ll come back late on Saturday.”

Then all we have to do is survive a four hour car journey together on Sunday morning. Yay.

I’d have much preferred to spend the weekend at home, near Tilly. My time with her was rapidly running out, but the idea of clashing with Dominic over and over didn’t appeal at all. I still hadn’t said half of the things that had been circling in a constant loop around my head for the past week, and letting them out would only cause another fight I didn’t have the energy for.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t want to argue.”

“Me neither. But if I stay, that’s what will happen.”

He nodded. “Okay. Okay.”

***

Neil took one look at my face and said, “We’re not going to have sex tonight, are we?”

I’d arrived on his doorstep, carrying my overnight bag and wearing a look of … well, I’m not sure what I looked l

ike, but I felt like I’d been steamrollered.

“Do I have to decide now?” I asked.

“I think the decision’s made,” Neil said, pulling me into a hug. “Come on, I’ll get us a drink.”

Neil led me to his sofa, and left me there while he made two cups of tea which he placed on the coffee table in front of us.

“What’s going on, then?” he asked. “Am I losing my charm? You’ve turned me down two weeks in a row, I’m starting to get offended.”

“Oh shut up,” I laughed, giving him a gentle shove. “You know that ‘friends with benefits’ deal? Well, I’m cashing in on the ‘friend’ part.”

Neil smiled. “About time. As offended as I was by the rejection, nobody wants to be used just for their body!”

“I loathe you,” I said, still laughing. “But Erica’s working so you’re all I’ve got!”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. “You know I’m here for you anytime, babe. So tell me what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong.” I told him. “But being at home is getting more uncomfortable every day and I had to get out.”

“What’s happening over there? Is the move getting too stressful?”

“Ha. Dom could have kept this whole thing a secret until the day he left for all that’s changed.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

“No. I mean, he only just got back tonight, but even if he was there the whole time, I couldn’t talk to him about it. I get angry just thinking about it.”

“Why? I know you love Tilly, but this move is going to be good for her, isn’t it?”

“I can’t see how. Uprooting her to somewhere she won’t know anyone, being dumped with a stranger while Dom continues to spend more time in places that aren’t home. She’s terrified, and Dominic … he sees it, but he keeps going on about how his massive pay rise will make a big difference to them.”

“I don’t have kids or anything but surely it would be better for him to spend his time with her, rather than his money.”