Casual Affair

She confessed the entire story with Felicity’s arms wrapped around her. How their relationship had begun and progressed, how she’d felt about him, and finally ending with their fateful argument in the stockroom when he’d offered her a job and a chance to be with him, and she’d thrown it back in his face. She had always been the “your feelings will always be there tomorrow, so why not wait and deal with them then” type. But confiding in her sister offered her a world of relief, despite the pain of rehashing all her conflicting emotions.

“You haven’t heard from him since he left?” Felicity asked after Bea finished regurgitating the events of the last few months.

She shook her head. “No. He clearly doesn’t want to see me, let alone talk to me.”

Felicity took her hand and squeezed. “Bea, if he loves you as much as you love him, he’s probably just as miserable as you are.”

Her whole body tensed at that one terrifying, wonderful word.

“Oh, come on,” Felicity chided. “You just told me how horrible your life is now that he’s gone. How you would basically do anything to get him back. Yet you balk at the L-word? Really?”

“I just… Damn. I’ve never said it out loud, I guess.”

“Well, look at yourself.” Felicity waved her hand at Bea’s slumped form. “You’re a mess. And you’ve lost all motivation for pretty much anything, without Zane around. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.”

Bea found it in herself to chuckle at that. “Maybe.”

“You should get his number from Peter, call him, and tell him everything you just told me. That you made a huge mistake and you understand why he left, but that he deserves to know how you really feel.”

“Yeah, and then what?” Bea asked her. “He lives in London. He never said he was coming back. What if he’s decided he wasted his time with me, and telling him everything just makes my pain worse?”

Felicity’s eyes softened. “I don’t think that’s how love works, sweetie. If he feels the same way, he can’t just toss his feelings aside and forget about you.”

Bea stood up and started pacing around the room, needing to move, to clear her head. Maybe she was overreacting about the whole thing. Maybe she was just fine on her own, and she just needed a little more time to get back in the swing of things. The way they used to be.

Or maybe she was just being a coward because she was afraid of getting her heart broken again.

Too late.

He’d left. Her heart was already broken.

Because it was over with Zane.

No, it’s not. Because you know deep down that you didn’t try hard enough to keep him.

That brain of hers could be a snarky little bitch.

“What happens if I start to feel claustrophobic again?” she asked. “He likes to control things. And people. I mean, he wanted me to move to London. What if he starts taking over my life like Evan did, and before long I don’t recognize myself? I can’t lose my identity all over again. I like the freedom I have now to be me. Just me. I’m afraid I’ll lose that if I’m in another relationship.”

Felicity laughed, making Bea’s head snap toward her.

“None of this is funny. Not to me.”

Her sister wiped the smile off her face with obvious difficulty. “I’m sorry, but you lose to a man? Please. Maybe ten years ago, but not now. Besides, there isn’t anything to lose here. Only everything to gain.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Zane knows you need your independence. It’s part of who you are, and he already respects that. You must know he’s nothing like Evan. Zane likes to control things because he cares, not because he’s selfish or power hungry. He gives you as much control as you give him. There’s more balance between the two of you than you seem to realize. Evan wanted complete dominance over you. He wanted control because of the power it gave him. The two men couldn’t be more different.”

Listen to your sister, Bea’s brain urged. She makes sense.

“Anyway,” Felicity added, “you actually love Zane. You never loved Evan.”

“And what if love isn’t everything?”