Ryan snorted. “Yeah, I don’t think so. My cock is bigger than your whole entire being.”
And. Just. What.
The fairies started tittering loudly.
Dimitri scowled. “It’s not the size. It’s what you do with it.”
“And I can do many things with it,” Ryan said wickedly. “Many, many things.”
“Please, can I have some, please,” I whispered, though no one heard me.
Dimitri poked Ryan’s nose. “Listen, human. Just because you’re jealous of the love Sam and I share—”
“Love?” I squeaked, sounding like Dimitri. “There is no love.”
The fairies all turned to me.
Oh shit. “Uh. There may be a mutual appreciatio
n of each other’s willingness to avoid maiming or death?” I said.
“This is going so well,” Gary said.
“It is?” Tiggy asked.
“No,” Gary said. “Tiggy, the next thing we are going to work on is sarcasm. You’ve gone far too long without knowing how to use it. It shall be remedied and you will be the most sarcastic half-giant in all of Verania and it will be glorious.”
“Pretty Gary,” Tiggy said fondly. He tried to reach out and pet Gary, but his hand knocked into the invisible wall that rose around him from the fairy ring. His brow furrowed and I knew it was only a matter of time before Tiggy got pissed off. No one got between him and Gary when he wanted to pet the unicorn.
“There’s love,” Dimitri insisted. “You just don’t know about it yet.”
“Ah,” Gary said. “That kind of love. Because that makes sense.”
Dimitri sighed like Gary was the most annoying thing that had ever existed. “If your kind wasn’t considered sacred, I’d let my people eat you.”
Gary preened. “Sam. Sam. I’m sacred.”
“Thanks for that,” I told Dimitri. “I will never, ever hear the end of it.”
Dimitri ignored me as he flew back to Ryan and started poking his face again. “I will fight you for him. A duel to win the heart of the wizard.”
“Apprentice,” Gary whispered.
Ryan rolled his eyes at Dimitri. “It would be more intimidating if your penis wasn’t pressing against my cheek.”
“So much sass,” I told Gary and Tiggy. “He uses it like he invented it. Which, to be fair, I think he might have.”
“He’s not that sassy,” Gary grumbled.
Another fairy flew up and whispered in Dimitri’s ear. Dimitri’s eyes narrowed with whatever the fairy was telling him.
“You’re engaged,” Dimitri finally said. “To the Grand Prince of Verania.”
And there went all my fun fantasies again for the day.
“I am,” Ryan allowed. He glanced at me like there was supposed to be a reaction. I kept my face blank.
“So you have no claim over Sam of Wilds,” Dimitri said, sounding triumphant.