Mail-Order Groom: A Valentine Romantic Comedy

'Big hair, bigger boobs, and the biggest personality.'

That was Charlee-Mae in a nutshell, and in a way, that also perfectly summed up Charlotte's goal.

Most men in this world would likely be tempted to crush Charlee-Mae's spirit, and Charlotte's job, therefore, was to find the opposite. The ideal man for her sister-in-law was one who would appreciate the craziness that was Charlee-Mae, and while this might seem next to impossible...

How about a bet, Landon? Promise me you'll visit my dreams if I manage to find your sister her Mr. Right?

Charlotte knew it was the silliest of thoughts, but she didn't care. Years had already passed since Landon's death, but not a day had gone by that she didn't miss him. Since Charlee-Mae lived her life doing one crazy thing after the other, surely it wouldn't hurt if Charlotte indulged herself with a moment of insanity as well?

Dear God, I'm sure You heard what I said. I'll do everything in my power to find my sister-in-law her Mr. Right, and in return, is it okay if I can have mine back, even just for one night?

Charlotte's secret deal with heaven gave her all the inspiration and motivation she needed, and what was supposed to have taken three weeks was accomplished in three days.

However...

Chapter One

"I can't believe you've already found me a match," Charlee-Mae exclaimed giddily upon plopping herself in her usual seat across her sister-in-law's desk.

"Actually...I've found you two potential matches."

"Bless you!" Charlee-Mae was genuinely impressed. "I've been playing the dating game for almost eighteen years, and I haven't even come close to finding a .5 match."

In the act of retrieving two folders from her drawer, Charlotte paused with a frown upon hearing Charlee-Mae's words. "There's no such thing as a .5 match—-"

"Of course there is," Charlee-Mae argued. "Basically, it's a woman who ticks all the boxes, which would've been perfect if I were bisexual. But since I'm not, that makes it a .5 match."

Charlotte had a slight headache by the time the other woman finished talking. Since Charlee-Mae wasn't bisexual in the first place, then that would have given the match zero percent of success instead of fifty. Didn't it?

"You get it, right?"

"No, I don't."

But Charlee-Mae only laughed this off, and Charlotte decided to set the issue aside. This wasn't the first time she did "not" get what her sister-in-law was saying, and anyway...

She pushed the folders towards Charlee-Mae over her desk in a sliding motion. "All the information you need to know about both men is inside these folders. No pictures of their faces, per agency rules, but..." Charlotte couldn't help grimacing at this. "Just as you requested, I've asked both men for the most recent photos of their abs—-"

Charlotte saw her sister-in-law fighting back a smile and knew all at once she had been had.

"Cha-Cha!"

The other woman burst into laughter, and Charlotte was torn between wanting to throttle Charlee-Mae for playing such a trick on her...and kicking herself in the head for actually falling for it.

Charlee-Mae was laughing so hard she could barely catch her breath as she sought to defend herself. "I'm sorry! I didn't know you'd take it seriously!"

"How can I not," Charlotte growled, "when the request is just so...so...you?"

"Well, what's done is done, and don't worry, Char—-" Charlee-Mae flipped both folders open so she could compare the two photos side by side. "I'll make sure your efforts aren’t in vain and—-ooooooh."

While the photo from the blue folder was of a guy in swimming trunks at the beach, the one that made her heart skip a beat was the photo from the red folder: the man in it was standing in front of his bathroom mirror, his white dress shirt unbuttoned to reveal his washboard abs. The awkward angle of the photo spoke volumes of how much Mr. Red Folder (dis)liked selfies while its blurred edges told Charlee-Mae he had emailed Charlotte the first photo he had taken.

No vanity at all, Charlee-Mae thought in awe, and in today's image-conscious world, that was as rare as finding wasabi-flavored KitKat in a 7-Eleven store in Texas.

Charlee-Mae pointed to Mr. Red Folder. "I choose him."

The speed in which Charlee-Mae made up her mind had Charlotte's head spinning. "Don't treat this like it's no different from choosing your starter Pokémon."

"And I'm not," Charlee-Mae protested. "I'd have taken much longer to decide if I were choosing my starter Pokémon—-"

"Oh my God, Cha-Cha!"

Charlee-Mae was genuinely bewildered. "I'm just being honest. Pokémon is a game of numbers. Finding my one true love is all about feelings. And my heart chooses—-"

Charlotte, however, was already shaking her head before Charlee-Mae had even finished speaking. "Consider this at least." She pointed to the blue folder. "It's my personal opinion that this guy is a much safer bet—-"

"Really?" Charlee-Mae dubiously cast a second glance on the guy in swimming trunks.