Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland 3)

Because maybe, deep down, he doesn’t want you as much as you want him?

Or maybe, he doesn’t have any fight left in him.

“It doesn’t make me feel any better. This whole back and forth thing is wearing me down.” I sighed. “I don’t think I’ll come to the cinema tonight. I’m not in the mood and I’m really not great company.”

“Okay, just stop right there.” Emily leaned back and pointed at me. “You are coming. There’s no way we are going without you. And if you don’t want to go out, we’ll have a girls’ night in. End of.”

“Yes!” Harper agreed. “I would come too, but these gremlins inside me make me sleepy by six o’clock. Sorry.” She rubbed over her bump and the love shone out of her. I felt guilty that it actually made me jealous. I wanted what she had.

“I didn’t even wait for you to show me the nursery,” I said by way of an apology and to distract myself from my own envy. “I just burst in here like an idiot.”

“Oh shut up, you’re welcome in any room of ours. Nowhere is off-limits. Do you like it?” She glanced around the room, smiling to herself.

“It’s perfect. Did Finn paint all of this?” I asked, but I already knew the answer. No one else could have pulled off something like this.

“Yeah. These were all his ideas.” She ran her hand down the wall lovingly. “We both come and sit in here most nights to look at it. He’s so talented. He might be rubbish at showing his emotions in real life, but his art says everything about him. He feels too much, too hard.”

I looked closer at the magical scenes he’d created with fairies chasing pixies. There were gnomes in various poses; fishing, playing games and falling head first into the water. Elves hid behind doorways in the tree trunks and looked ready to play tricks on anyone who crossed their path. The colours were so vibrant and unlike anything he’d ever done before. And then I saw, camouflaged on a tree branch, the words ‘You are loved’ and I teared up all over again.

“Eff, you have to do what’s right for you,” Emily whispered, sensing my shift in mood. “If that means you walk away, walk away. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think he’d want that. You need to follow your heart.”

I choked back a sob as I replied, “Follow my heart? Which part? Because right now, it’s shattered into a million pieces.” I slumped forward and hung my head in shame. “I don’t want to be a doormat.”

“You’re not a doormat. And fuck anybody who says you are. They’re dicks. They know fuck all,” Harper stated firmly.

“Are you bitching about Brandon again?” Ryan appeared at the doorway, smirking at us.

“What are you on about now?” Emily teased him.

“You said they know fuck all. I thought you were talking about this knobhead here.” Ryan thumbed behind him and Brandon appeared, but from the kindness behind the fake glare he threw at Ryan, I could tell he knew exactly what’d happened in here and what we were talking about.

“I know what I need to know and that’s that you’re the only dickhead in here, mate.” Brandon puffed his chest out, like he needed any more help to look menacing. “Now fuck off, you’ve outstayed your welcome.”

Ryan laughed back at him. “You coming out with us later?”

Brandon shook his head. “Not this time. Me and the missus have a date with Netflix, a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, and our bed for tonight.”

“Rock and roll.” Ryan smirked.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I stood up at the same time Emily did.

“We’ll give you a lift home and then I’ll be picking you up at seven, no arguments.”

I went to reply to her, but Brandon butted in.

“We’ll take Effy home.”

Emily frowned and Brandon turned to Ryan and said, “Don’t you have that thing? You know… the thing.” He nodded and widened his eyes as if he was trying to jog Ryan’s memory on something they’d never even talked about.

“Ah! Right. The thing.” Ryan nodded back and then turned to Em. “Come on, we need to go. You’ll be alright with this clown taking you home, won’t you?” he asked me.

I felt like a kid being passed from one unwilling parent to the other.

“I can make my own way home. It’s no big deal.”

“Nonsense. We’ll drive you,” Harper said, waving my argument away with a flip of her hand.