“Oh,” I said as I looked down at my pillow. “Yeah.”
“That’s not it,” Jack said as a statement. “Rose, I will do whatever you want me to, but you have to let me in. I’m afraid I can’t keep up completely clueless. I’ve been in the dark long enough.”
“Jack, look, I have about thirty interviews to conduct tomorrow,” I stated as his jaw tightened.
“So, what? You’re going to kick me out?” he asked incredulously. He gripped my arm, walked me over to the door, and opened it. It took me a minute to realize what he wanted me to see. A brand new Chevy graced the driveway, and I sank against him, feeling incredibly guilty.
“I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again if I can help it.”
“Jack,” I said, turning to hold him tightly to me. Silent tears fell as he cradled me in his arms.
“Please, just talk to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I rasped out hoarsely as I looked up at him. I pulled out of his arms and saw his whole demeanor stiffen.
“Don’t you dare.”
“I’ve got too much going on right now. If you can give me some time.”
“No,” he said in protest. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship right now!”
“Lie,” he snapped as he took a step forward.
“I told you I wasn’t capable.”
“Lie,” he said as his unforgiving eyes pierced me.
“I just need to be on my own for a while,” I finished in an attempt to hold my ground.
“Another fucking lie!”
“You really don’t handle rejection well,” I snapped. “This is what I want. I’m asking you to respect that. I’m asking you to back the hell off!”
I saw the blows hit him with every word I spoke and wanted to do nothing short of cut out my tongue.
“Jack, I’m sorry. Please, just give me some space. Today completely wrecked me, okay. That’s the truth.”
He took a long defeated look at me and without a word walked out the door.
I woke up and tried to muster encouraging words to get me out of bed. I told Jack it was a ritual I did for motivation, but in truth, it was a ritual I’d started a few months after Grant died when I’d been forced into my new reality. The words had come to me naturally, and I’d made it a daily habit. That morning nothing would come. I’d made a decision I regretted.
I searched my phone in vain for my usual morning greeting from Jack but knew better. I’d blindsided him. He deserved an explanation and I knew I owed it to him. I would give him the answers he deserved and soon, but I had a day ahead of me I couldn’t get out of, and I decided not to chance any more emotional upset until the day had concluded.
Reluctant but unwilling to let my sister down, I showered, dressed, and was the first to arrive at the center. Dallas walked in with an easy smile and the actress in me rose to the occasion as we spent a grueling day in interviews. Nothing about it was easy, though I made it seem so. And as the day wound down, I’d even had Dallas convinced that I was much better than the previous day when the truth was, I was splintered. I spent
the short drive home thinking of my time with Jack and how happy he made me. My asking for space had been a kneejerk reaction.
I pulled up to my house, all too eager to let him know as much when I saw Jack’s truck. I didn’t want to fight. I wanted to fall into rhythm with him again. I’d gotten myself to the point where I could admit he made me happy, and I was nowhere near ready to give that up. I got out of the car and expected to find him on the porch when I heard his voice sound behind me.
“You’re in my head, my thoughts, you’ve completely invaded me, whether you wanted to or not.”
I turned to see a disheveled Jack, a bottle of whiskey in his hand—our bottle. He looked over the water and waited.
“I don’t understand what you want,” I lied.
“What I want…” He grinned menacingly as a sinking feeling hit me.