Whiskey and Country

7

NICHOLAS

On the top lay a sheet of paper that seemed to have been folded and unfolded dozens of times. I put it on the table next to the box. Underneath it was the framed picture of Derek and me in our matching baseball jerseys. The one he kept on his bedside table at the hospital. With my fingertip, I traced his face over the glass. A post-it had been stuck on the back.

Remember me like this. Happy and healthy. D.

A hint of a smile graced my lips. Yes, I would. I loved this picture of ours.

Carefully, I put the frame aside and returned to the box. My breath came out as a wheeze when my fingers grazed the fabric inside. My heart flipped and entangled within itself.

Slowly, with gentle and measured strokes, I skimmed the fabric between the tips of my forefinger and thumb again. My lips stretched wider, glee replacing my heavy heart as I recognized what it was.

My pulse thumped harder. In a cheerful manner this time. I could picture Derek in my head that day, pride brightening his face when he showed me the present he had received from his idol.

And the images repaired the fractured pieces of my heart, the scent of the memory binding them close.

While I unfolded the jersey, Rex, Derek’s favorite stuffed dinosaur—the one his dad gave him on his second birthday before abandoning him—fell to the floor. I leaned over to pick it up. “Hey you, what are you doing here?” I asked the stuffed animal. My gaze lingered over two of Derek’s most precious possessions.

Now I couldn’t contain my smile. Because the boy knew I would hold on to these. Forever. And he was damn right.

I cast a glance down at the letter, excited to see what it was about.

With a long exhale, I unfolded the sheet of paper.

Derek’sBucket List I wish I had experienced in my life List + Nick’s Bucket List

Go to a hockey game with Nick and the guys

Make 1 new…no, 3 new best friends

Kiss a girl until my heart beats fast

Go camping and sleep under the stars

Watch the sunrise every morning

Dip my toes into the ocean even if jellyfishes are gross

Go to a Carter Hills concert because duh, he’s the best

Do something deemed impossible

Build something with my own hands that I’ll keep forever or gift someone

Nick: Go on an adventure (now you must pick one)

I love you, Nick. You’re my bestest friend in the entire world. Please take care of Rex for me. I want you to have it. You’ll have each other. He’ll need a new best friend too.

We never jotted down your bucket list, as you were too busy being here for Mom and me. But I’ve got your back. In case you need inspiration, you can use mine. I left spaces for you but already added the one we talked about. It’s time for your adventure. Don’t wait, life is too short. Be happy, okay? I am. I promise. And don’t cheat because I’ll be watching you, you know, from that cloud.

With love,

Derek

P.S. #1 If you ever encounter a jellyfish, you know how to relieve the sting. At least I hope you remember. (I’m laughing right now because I’m imagining your face doing it!) You gotta let me know if it really works.

P.S. #2 Now go out and order a deep-dish pizza with sausages. Extra mushrooms. You always order your pizza without, even though you like them, because you know how much I hate their taste. I was aware all along. Thank you for this. For your huge heart.

The piece of paper fell from my hands and landed on the table as I sat there, unable to breathe. Unable to move. Unable to think.

This time it wasn’t from sadness, but more from shock. As if Derek had opened a door to the life I never gave myself the permission to explore until now. And knowing it could change everything if I agreed to cross the threshold.

I didn’t even budge when Tucker came back, sat on the chair to my left, and poured me a tall glass of amber liquor. Who served booze in a water glass? Tucker. That’s who.

I shook my head, with what could pass as a smile tugging at my lips.

“Drink this,” he ordered, oblivious to the confusion and opportunities tangling in my mind. The seed a twelve-year-old planted. Tucker put a slice of cheesy pizza before me and stared at Rex for a second. “Is it—?” I nodded. He took the picture in his hands. “That’s a good shot of you two. You look like you’re related. I never noticed it until now.” He rose to his feet and placed the picture on a shelf by the TV. When he sat down again, he asked, “Can I?” indicating the letter half-folded on the tabletop.

“Yes.”

I rubbed my palms over my eyes. Tucker read the list. A throaty noise left his mouth. “Wow, I’m speechless. This is—wow. Derek’s my man. We’re spirit brothers. He told you to go on an adventure; I told you to go on a vacation. See, we think alike. You should listen to us, man.”

“Oh god. I’ll never hear the end of it. You’re terrible. But part right.” I pushed on the tabletop with both palms and rose to my feet. “Let’s go out.”

“And waste that perfectly good-looking pizza?”

“Yep.”

“Something changed in your eyes while I was gone,” Tuck stated, his thick dark eyebrows furrowed.

“Derek set me free. In his own way. I’ll tell you all about it. Let me figure out what it means.”

“Should I worry?”

“Nope. All good. I just need time to process it. And make choices. You’ll be the first one to know once I understand the meaning of it.”

My friend eyed me for a long moment and shrugged. “I trust you, man.”

Without touching our food, we made our way outside.

“Deep dish?” Tuck asked.

“Fuck, yes.”

Tucker got in step with me. “Fine by me.”

We sat at our favorite pizza place, in the basement of an office building a few blocks from my apartment. It was considered a landmark, according to people in the neighborhood, since it had been here for over half a century.

The lights were dim. Red leather booths filled the eatery. With a dark carpet and low ceiling, over the years, the owners had maintained the retro-charm vibe.

Tucker leaned over after we ordered. “I’m curious about what’s next for you, man. A glint you had lost over the years is back. And I wanna know how Derek’s letter brought it home.”

I ruffled my locks with my fingers. “It’s more a gut feeling than anything. Like he gave me permission to think big. And outside the box. Reach for goals I never thought possible before. When all I expected from this life was to climb the ladder of Cody’s business. And now”—I scratched the side of my head—“Derek’s bucket list. It meant something to him. As it does to me. I don’t wanna settle down without living first. And I have to do something to honor his short life.”

I waved a hand around me.

“Nothing here really matters when you think about it. You were right too. A change of air is what I need. Perhaps Derek has a pull on me from where he is. Maybe he’s the one who prevented me from signing this contract. I don’t know. I sound delusional. But I’m not. I feel it. There’s something else for me out there.”

“Never thought I would hear you say this one day. You have Chicago tattooed on your heart.”

“Things change.”

“I suppose. What’s the plan? You always have one.”

I sipped my water, ordering my thoughts.