The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats!)

“when my husband’s here.”

Frida Kahlo

Te adoro! Here’s

a painting of me being

cruelly tortured.

DATING: IT’S NOT OK, OKCUPID

I bet many of you are wondering why this chapter exists because common knowledge has it that lesbians don’t actually “date.” Instead the timeline follows as such: girl meets girl, their genitals fuse together in a state of ecstatic union, and then they go raise chickens together somewhere. But that’s not (always) the case! Dating and courtship are still very much a part of the lez experience. This chapter, hence, navigates the perilous waters of dating and popular websites such as OkCupid and Craigslist.

What’s a “date”?

We met; we had sex;

then the next thing I knew, we

were buying wind chimes!

A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE OF ALL CRAIGSLIST WOMEN 4 WOMEN MISSED CONNECTIONS

To the tall, dark-haired witch from the Moon-Worshipping Ritual

I think you swiped my

sage stick accidentally.

I’d like it back please.

RE: To the tall, dark-haired witch from the Moon-Worshipping Ritual

I bought that sage at

Womb of One’s Own, Sunray. We

need to dialogue?

RE: RE: To the tall, dark-haired witch from the Moon-Worshipping Ritual

r /> Goddess no! But I

sure hope you purify your

soul with it, Ember.

Ahead of me at Whole Foods today

You have great taste in

nutritional yeast! I will

ignore the Craisins.

The girl in line for the Port-o-Potty with the infinity tattoo at the Canadian folk festival

I wrote a poem