The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats!)

Migrant farmworkers

have deplorable working

conditions—sign this!

The rocket

The “We resent this

phallocentric metaphor.

Please change to ‘love cave.’”

Woman on top

No changes required.

—Fondly, every lesbian

in the entire world

The spin cycle (a.k.a. sex on a washing machine)

This is not what we

meant by more equal household

chore distribution.

LOOK BOTH WAYS: DEMYSTIFYING BISEXUALITY

You’ve probably heard a lot of stereotypes and jokes about bisexuality, a.k.a. the redheaded goth stepchild of sexual orientations. Most people can’t even agree on a definition of bisexuality, which has led to a lot of confusion, angst, and reality shows starring Tila Tequila.

Ironically, part of the reason bisexuality gets a bad rap—and why so few people openly identify as such—is because it’s associated with so many negative cultural connotations. For our purposes, I’ll define a bisexual as someone who is drawn to emotional and/or sexual relationships with different genders, although terms relating to bisexuality run the gamut and can include descriptors such as “pansexual,” “queer,” “ambisexual,” “omnisexual,” “fluid,” and “Larry King.” Below are the truest and most definitive haiku that document the sexual identity that is often shrugged off as a “phase,” a “gateway,” “homosexuality lite,” or “Fifty Shades of Gay.”

WHAT’S A BISEXUAL?

According to douche canoes

Only the bread to

my favorite sandwich, bro!

Amirite? Up top!

According to scientists who study bisexuality

It’s the only way

I know to get paid to watch

gay porn all day long.

According to your conservative mom

Why must you punish

me? Was it because I wore