Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding 1)

She knew he was smirking without glancing at him. "This is how I wanted to apologize to you."

"Well you shouldn't have," she said weakly.

"I was out of line when I said all those terrible things to you."

"Jack you shouldn't apologize. You should let it be," she said turning away from him completely.

"I can't apologize enough for what I've done to you over the years, for what I did to you this week, for having you come here and endure what I put you through. I can't apologize enough for overreacting when I saw you with Ramsey. I can't apologize enough for everything, but I thought I could start with dinner," he whispered sweetly into the earlobe she had left exposed to him. His arms came up to encircle her miniscule waist and draw her in him. She tried not to breath in his delicious smell as old feelings threatened to overcome her senses. He placed a tiny kiss on her shoulder before reaching down, tugging on her hand, and pulling her into the dining room.

"Jack you really shouldn't have done all of this," she said as he tucked her into the dining room chair.

"I think that I should have, and who are you to turn down a man begging for forgiveness?" he asked with another smirk directed her way.

Lexi sighed and waited for him to be seated before continuing, "We really need to talk."

"I agree," he said, "how is the chicken?"

Lexi glanced down at her food realizing for the first time that there was in fact chicken on her plate. She dug her fork into the meat and tasted the morsel. "Good. Did you cook this?" she asked in surprise.

"For you."

She nodded wondering when he had ever learned how to cook. Last she had checked macaroni and cheese had been too difficult for him. Now he was creating delicious entrees? "Okay well thank you, but we really do need to talk."

"You're right. I need to apologize. Would you like me to begin?"

"Uh…"

"I should have never called you." Lexi glanced up from her plate to stare at him in surprise. She hadn't actually thought he was going to try and play the card that he was sorry for coming back into her life. She had missed him every day since he had been gone, but he hadn't and he had made that surprisingly clear when he had called. Then he had started blurring the lines. He had started using her desire for him to his own advantage. He couldn't possibly think that saying he shouldn't have called could make up for that.

"I'm not sure what Bekah told you or what you guys have spoken about, but I shouldn't have dragged you into this. What we…were just shouldn't have been put on display like I've been making you do with Bekah. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is that I know why I didn't tell Bekah about you in the first place."

"You do?" Lexi asked finishing off her first glass of wine as quickly as possible. The alcohol was working its way through her system and leaving with her with just enough of a buzz so that she could take whatever he was going to send her way next.

"I just couldn't bear her knowing what I'd done to you, how I'd broken you. And I see it now. I see that I broke you into a million pieces and then left you there. I didn't want her to know I was capable of that. Did you tell her I was capable of that?" he asked directing his question towards her for the first time expecting an answer.

"I…I didn't tell her that," she whispered watching his face morph from despair to intrigue.

"But why didn't you? You could have told her. You could have told her everything."

"I know Jack," Lexi admitted placing her fork back down on the plate the tiny appetite she had entered with had now gone.

"Then why didn't you tell her. She calls me telling me she loves me telling me that I'm everything to her. She says that you've opened her eyes to who I really am, but does she know who I really am Lexi? Does anyone other than you know who I am?" he asked standing and approaching her chair. Yanking the chair from the table he rested his hands on either side of the arm rest and bore down upon her.

She gasped in surprise as she let her face tilt up to his. "I don't know Jack. Have you showed anyone else?" she asked looking up into his giant baby blues that were staring right back at her with concern stricken through the orbs.

He shook his head letting his eyes close and his head drop forward. She couldn't help but be amazed at his beauty even in that moment. "I've never known how to talk to anyone like I can with you Lex. I'm not even sure if the woman I've been with the past year and a half has a clue who I am," he announced licking his lips before continuing. "And when I'm with you, I just know. You know?"

She did, but could she tell him that? Should she tell him that? After everything she had told Bekah today and what she had gone through for him everyday since they had met, of course she knew what he was talking about. When he could look at her across a sea of people and just know what the other was thinking. The way he peered deep into her soul and somehow still accepted her despite her inadequacies. The fact that he even saw her inadequacies was amazing to her. Yet, he had been there. She had been his constant all along. What Bekah had been saying suddenly clicked in Lexi's mind.

She was the reason for all of this.

And that realization in itself pushed Lexi to nod her head in agreement. "I know exactly what you mean."

His head came up and somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind something clicked inside of him as well. He scooped her up out of the chair and crushed his lips to hers. She paused momentarily frozen in place before allowing him to ease his mouth back down onto her. He kicked the chair out of his way and pushed her body back against the wall. Tilting his head sideways, he kissed deeper into her mouth feeling around with his tongue for every vantage point. She moaned as his hands grabbed at her waist and hips. His mouth moved away from her lips to feel his lips against her earlobe, neck, and collarbone taking in as much of her as he could. He returned to her mouth when she clawed at his back begging to taste him again. It had been nearly two years since they had last kissed, but the way they moved together made it seem that it was only yesterday. He could still remember every delicate curve of her body from memory and she continued to revel in the feel of his skin against hers finally once again.

She wanted him so bad in that moment, but not like this. She wanted him as hers. She wanted him to be her own. No longer could she play the game of sharing him with another living being. If he was to have her and all of her as she desired, she needed the same. She needed him to only belong to her. And she could wait to have him if that was what that meant.