Hold the Forevers

Ash glanced over at me. Blue meeting blue in the small space between us. My heart skipped a beat.

“I’m glad that you’re here.”

“You know what?” Marley said, jumping up. “I’m going to go find the vending machine. I can’t get us two Cokes like Lila, but maybe I can get us some snacks since you’ll be here for a little while longer.”

“Sure. Thanks,” he said with a big smile for Marley, who promptly disappeared, leaving us alone.

Ash took my hand in his as soon as she was gone.

“Don’t scare me like that again.”

Time was supposed to dull feelings. It was supposed to let you move on. But if anything, one look at him, and everything was Technicolor.

“I’m sorry,” he said, squeezing my hand. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He brought my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss against my skin. “I feel better, having you here.”

I gently extricated my hand from his grip. I didn’t even know what to say.

“You look sick.”

“I was upset,” I said. “And I told Cole.”

He clenched his jaw. “That you were coming here?”

I nodded. “He said coming here was idiotic and hung up on me.”

Ash shrugged and then winced again. “Fuck that guy.”

I laughed, self-deprecating. “Not looking forward to the argument when I get home.”

Ash’s eyes hardened. “I don’t understand him. He has everything I could ever want, and still, he fucks it up?”

“Stop,” I whispered. “That’s not why I’m here.”

“Why are you here?”

“You know why.”

He arched an eyebrow, wanting me to say it, but I couldn’t.

“You needed someone, and you were there for me through the stuff with Mom.”

He was silent for a stretch. I could tell that the drugs were starting to kick in. He leaned back heavier against the pillows, his breathing evening out. “I am sorry though. As much as I’d love for you to dump Cole, I’m not trying to ruin your relationship … like he did ours.”

I winced at the words.

Marley knocked on the door and peeked her head in. “Uh, I got some Coke and a bag of Cheetos and a Butterfinger. That’s about as good as I could do.”

“Sounds perfect,” Ash said.

With Marley back in the room, conversation resumed its normal course. We sat around, eating junk food while we waited for the doctor to show up. She eventually cleared him to leave with a request to come back in to check on those ribs. Everything else had thankfully come back okay.

We exited the hospital together. Marley and I got Ash into the backseat of my car and then drove him to his apartment.

“Thanks for the ride,” he said as he got out of the car.

“Feel better,” Marley said as I got out of the car.

“Are you going to be able to make it inside okay?”

He nodded. “Sure. I’m just a little woozy.”

“Ash …”

“I’ll be fine.”

Marley was purposefully occupied with her phone as Ash tugged me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him, careful of his broken ribs.

“I want to see you again,” he whispered into my hair.

“We can’t.”

He pressed a kiss into my hair. “I love you.”

I pulled back, refusing to say the words back. “Take better care of yourself.”

Ash sighed. “I wish things were different.”

“I know.”

Then I got back into my car and watched as he ambled back into the apartment. I swallowed heavily as I backed out of the parking spot.

“So … you still love Ash?”

I swallowed. “Yeah.”

“And Cole?”

I nodded.

“Fuck.”

“Tell me about it.”

The house was dark when I got home. I opened Sunny’s crate and let her out in the backyard to do her business. I changed out of my ballgown and into sweats. I texted Cole to let him know that I was home but heard nothing. I knew he’d be out late with the guys. They were probably at a strip club.

Sunny came back inside, and we snuggled together on the couch, watching a Disney movie I’d seen a hundred times. I could barely focus on it as the minutes ticked by with no word from Cole.

Just as I was dozing off, the front door opened. I jerked up at the same time as Sunny, who barreled toward Cole.

“Hey,” I said, rubbing my eyes and coming to my feet.

“I thought you’d be asleep.”

“I couldn’t sleep. I texted and never heard back from you.”

“Phone died,” he said, tossing the dead thing on the dining room table.

“Oh.”

“How was seeing Ash?” he bit out.

“Uneventful. He has a few broken ribs and some bruising.” I shrugged. “Marley and I sat around most of the night.”

“Ah,” he said, finally looking up at me. “Was it worth it?”

“Worth what?”

“This argument?”

I clenched my jaw. “I don’t know why we even need to have an argument.”

“You still cared enough to go to him,” he growled. “And you told me you’d blocked his number, and you didn’t.”