Hold the Forevers

“I’ve known him since I was seventeen. I can’t stop caring that someone is hurt. This isn’t the same as going to see him because I miss him.”

“Do you?” he demanded.

I squeezed my eyes shut. “I hate this, Cole. I hate that you have to ask me these questions. That you get so mad every time anything happens. That you clearly don’t even trust me.”

I’d had such an emotional night that I couldn’t hold the tears back. Everything about today was too much.

“Hey,” Cole said, coming to stand before me. “I’m sorry. Don’t cry. I don’t want to be the reason you cry.”

“What are we supposed to do? How do we go on if you don’t trust me?”

“I do,” he insisted with a sigh. “I just want him out of our lives.”

“I know. But I don’t want to keep being punished when this happens. I can’t help it, but I do know that I come home every night to you. That I’m here, in Atlanta, with you. I moved in with you. I love you. I thought we were happy.”

“We are happy.” He tipped my chin up. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for hanging up and for yelling at you. He just makes me irrationally angry.”

“You need to figure it out because I can’t keep doing this,” I told him honestly. “By the time you apologize, the damage is already done.”

33

Savannah

December 25, 2016

After the Christmas adrenaline wore off, exhaustion set in, and I couldn’t show it to my mom. Not when I’d promised her a normal Christmas. Whatever normal was after working for twelve hours straight at the Falcons–Carolina game in Charlotte and then driving four hours to Savannah. At least Cole had been at the game and driven down with me, but we were both tired and had to drive back into Atlanta tomorrow for more work.

Still, we pushed it aside to open gifts and do our annual family trip to the food pantry. It was important to me even if I wanted to nap. I snagged a full twenty minutes, crashed out in my old bedroom, when my mom announced we were all going to the night service.

“It’s asking too much,” I grumbled to Cole.

“She skipped midnight mass on Christmas Eve for us. I think it’s fair.”

“I mean, yes, of course, when we’re being all reasonable and shit.”

My mom had become devout in the years working for the church. I didn’t blame her for wanting to attend church on Christmas, especially if she missed mass, but that didn’t mean I wanted to go with her.

“It’ll be fine. It’s one hour. Should we stop and get you a coffee before the service?”

My eyes lit up. “Could we?”

“It’s a necessity at this point.”

“My mom doesn’t drink coffee. It’s so weird to have that much energy without additional sustenance.”

Cole kissed the top of my head. “Hurry up and get dressed, so we can stop on the way.”

That got me moving.

We grabbed a coffee on the way there, much to my mom’s disapproval, and made it to the service right before it started. I hurried into a seat between my mom and Cole. Luckily, since we were almost late, we didn’t have to sit in the front, where my mom preferred, and had to make do in the back of the church.

Service was slow and methodical, but at least the coffee was waking me up enough to make it through the whole thing.

“I’m going to talk to the priest,” my mom said as soon as the service ended. “It won’t be more than a few minutes.”

“Oh boy,” I muttered under my breath. “We’ll be here for another half hour.”

Cole grinned. “My mom called while we were in the service. I’m going to give her a call back.”

“Okay. I’ll try not to fall asleep in the pew.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

He headed out of the sanctuary, and my sisters and their kids followed. I sat back down on the bench, letting everyone else file past me. I was in no rush to get out of there. I pulled out my phone and scrolled absentmindedly, trying unsuccessfully to suppress my yawns.

“Was the service that bad?” a voice asked next to me.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Because of course, I knew that voice. I glanced up and saw Ash Talmadge hovering before me. His parents shot him a side-eye and then continued out of the sanctuary.

“I thought you would have been at midnight mass.”

He shrugged. “My dad had a business meeting.”

Ah. Same old, same old.

“I didn’t think you’d make it. Weren’t you in Charlotte for the game?”

“Yeah. We drove in after, so I could spend Christmas with my family.”

“That’s nice.”

“It is nice, except that I’m exhausted.”

He grinned and sank into Cole’s unoccupied seat. I scooted over to put more space between us. “I can’t thank you enough for coming to see me in the hospital. I’m sure Cole hated it, but it was good to have you there.”