Hold the Forevers

“What does that even mean?”

“I didn’t just spend the year on the road, Lila. I spent the year trying to deal with all of my anger issues. I went to therapy and anger management. I figured out what the source of the issues were. It’s not gone or anything, but I have much more control over it. I don’t ever want to be the reason that you cry again. I want to be the man you always thought I was.”

I was stunned into silence.

Cole had been at therapy? All this time, I’d thought he was avoiding me, trying to escape my ghost. But I’d been so wrong.

“This was what I wanted to talk to you about in Nashville. I tried to reach you.”

“I couldn’t,” I said. “I couldn’t talk to you.”

“Because of him?”

I looked up at him, meeting those blue eyes. My heart on the line. “I’d made my choice.”

Cole shook his head. “If it was a choice, then it implies there were two options, but I was gone. That’s not making a choice. That’s settling.”

The words were like a bucket of water thrown over my head.

It wasn’t a choice. I still hadn’t made the choice between the two of them. I’d followed along down the easiest path available and never come up for air to question whether it was the right one. I hadn’t wanted to consider it. But all of my panics and fears and worries made sense now. They all fit together like a puzzle I hadn’t known was missing a few pieces before starting.

“That’s a great theory,” Ash said dryly.

I jumped at the sound of his voice.

I’d forgotten to anticipate him. Been so engrossed in my confrontation with Cole that I’d forgotten that we were standing on the steps of my wedding. That I had a decision to make.

“This isn’t about you,” Cole snapped.

Ash glared at him. For a moment, it looked like he was going to say something in response. But then he turned away from him.

His gaze found mine. He held his hand out. “Come back inside with me. Let’s finish this. This is how it was always supposed to end.”

43

Wedding Day

June 15, 2019

I stared down at his outstretched hand and saw my future laid out before me. I’d take his hand, leave Cole behind forever, apologize profusely about the interruption, and say I do. I’d deal with Ash’s parents’ fury for the rest of my life and live happily ever after as the girl who almost ran out of her wedding, effectively becoming the source of town gossip forever.

“Lila, please,” Ash said, a note of desperation breaking into his voice.

“I just humiliated you and me and everyone else in that building. How can you want me to come back inside? How can you even look at me?”

“Because I love you, and I don’t care about any of that other stuff. I don’t care what anyone else says. I’ve loved you since I was seventeen, and I want you to be my wife.”

Despair welled in my chest.

He really didn’t care.

And he never had.

Not about how his parents felt about me or anyone else’s reactions to our relationship. He just wanted us to be together.

Even when it was entirely illogical, as it was in this moment, as it had been after Cole and I slept together in New Orleans. I’d never understood how he could compartmentalize his feelings.

“This is the wedding you’ve always wanted,” Ash continued.

Cole snorted. “That wedding? With hundreds of people in a giant church? You think that’s what she wants? Have you met her? Did you even ask her?”

I paled at the question.

How did Cole know me so well?

It wasn’t the one that I’d hoped for. It was absolutely the wedding that Ash’s mother had foisted on me. But I’d been happy to concede the points to marry Ash. I hadn’t thought it sounded so terrible until it came out of Cole’s mouth.

“Of course it is. She planned it,” Ash snapped. “You wouldn’t know anything about that because you’ve been miraculously gone since we started dating. Maybe go back to the hole you crawled out of and leave us alone.”

“You still haven’t asked her.” Cole crossed his arms. “Lila, is that the wedding you want?”

I opened my mouth and closed it. Looked between them like a rabbit in a trap. There wasn’t a right answer to that question. It wasn’t that simple.

Ash shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

I jerked back at that comment. “What doesn’t matter?”

“Anything that comes out of his mouth,” Ash said, gesturing to Cole. “He’s here to break us up. Just like he always has. We decided long ago to keep him out of our lives.” Ash looked at Cole. “That’s why you’re here, right? To fuck with her head? Make her think that she made the wrong choice? But we both know that she didn’t. It’s me. It’s always been me. You were just in the way.”