Besieged and Betrothed

He frowned. ‘Yes.’

‘Didn’t you say he would have forgiven me anything?’

‘Yes.’

‘If your mother was prepared to get between you and your father, then she loved you. She wouldn’t have blamed you and she wouldn’t have wanted you to spend the rest of your life blaming yourself either. She would have wanted you to be free. Just like Matilda wants you to be free now.’

He half-turned around. ‘You don’t understand. When she found me, I felt as though my mother had sent her somehow, as if she were giving me a second chance. That’s why I have to protect Matilda.’

‘So you love Matilda like a mother?’

‘No!’ He pulled away, resisting the idea. ‘Juliana, we’ve been over this. I told you, I don’t love. I protect people, that’s all.’

‘And you’d rather protect her than me?’

‘No, it’s just...easier.’

‘Why?’

‘Because it is.’

There was another long pause before she spoke again, her voice sounding strained suddenly. ‘If it’s about the other day then I’m sorry. I should never have mentioned the marriage debt.’

‘What?’

‘I’m sorry if I made you feel indebted.’

‘Indebted?’ He swung around this time, staring at her incredulously. ‘Is that what you think, that I took you to bed because of a debt?’

‘I thought you couldn’t refuse.’

‘I can refuse whatever the hell I want!’

‘So you didn’t feel indebted?’

‘No! I wanted...’ He raked a hand through his hair. ‘I wanted you, Juliana. I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you. Couldn’t you tell?’

‘I thought so, but I wasn’t sure. And then, you still wanted to leave...’

‘Not because of that.’

‘Was it...bad?’

‘Bad?’ He spluttered in shock. ‘No, it was...’ He sought for a way to describe it and came up with nothing. As usual, words were beyond him. In which case, there was only one way to show her how much he wanted her. He wrenched her into his arms, grinding his lips against hers with a fervour that seemed to envelop the whole of his being. His senses were reeling with the force of his need. He wanted to tear her gown away and bury himself in her. He wanted to take her right now and every day afterwards. He wanted her more than he’d wanted any woman in his life. But he couldn’t love her...

&nb

sp; ‘I want you, Juliana.’ He pulled away again, breathing heavily. ‘But it’s impossible.’

She staggered slightly, raising a hand to her swollen lips. ‘You mean you want me and you want to leave me?’

‘Yes.’ He sank down on to the couch and put his head in his hands. ‘I don’t know to explain it, but when I lost my mother, it was the worst pain I ever felt. I never want to feel that way again. I won’t feel that way again.’

She hesitated for a moment and then sat down beside him. ‘Caring for someone doesn’t just involve pain.’

‘No? Look at you and your father.’ He regretted the words instantly. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s all right. My father suffered at the end, but for most of my life he made me feel happy and loved. He raised me in a way he thought would make me happy, too. He let me be myself. And he’ll always be here.’ She pressed a hand to her heart. ‘Just like your mother is still there in yours.’