Of Love & Regret (Madison & Logan 1)

“Is that it?” Logan asked quietly. “Or is something else bothering you?”

“Like what?” I took another long swallow of my beer so I didn’t have to look him in the eye.

“Like the fact that Cassie’s birthday is next week, never mind all the memories that come along with that.”

I shook my head. “I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”

Logan looked like he was about to protest, but he was interrupted by the arrival of the waitress with our plate of nachos. Using the term plate to describe the monstrosity before us was ludicrous. The Half Pitcher actually used metal pizza pans to serve their nachos, because they were the only things large enough to contain the amount of chips, chili, guacamole, cheese, and the multiple other toppings that comprised their nachos.

I was relieved when Logan dropped the subject and we commenced trying to navigate our way through all the gooey cheese. I noticed Logan pushing all the jalapenos in my direction, and I was reminded of how considerate he was. He knew how much I loved jalapenos so he always ate around them, making sure they ended up on my side of the plate. Sometimes, I took Logan’s consideration for granted, and it made me feel guilty. Maybe I was becoming too dependent on him. I was making him my pseudo-boyfriend because I was dissatisfied with my real one. It wasn’t fair to Adam, and it especially wasn’t fair to Logan. I had the sudden realization that maybe the reason Logan never had long-term relationships was because he was too busy catering to my demands. I felt selfish and self-absorbed, and I drowned the sorrows of my newfound realization by shoveling the nachos in my mouth as fast as I could.

I looked up during my eating binge to find Logan watching me instead of eating.

“What?” I asked, almost belligerently. I was sure I looked a sight as I ate like I had starved myself all week.

“You’re attacking the nachos like it owes you money or something. Are you still mad at me for what I said about Adam?”

I shook my head, lowering the tortilla chip I had been about to shove into my mouth. “No, although it was an asshole thing to say.”

Logan shrugged, unperturbed by my assessment of his statement. “I can live with that.”

I rolled my eyes, but his comment broke the tension, and I was able to relax. I was starting to feel a little sick from my gluttonous attack of the nachos and decided to take a break from eating. I took a sip of the second round of beers the waitress had brought along with our food.

“How’s work going?” I asked. It was a blatant change of subject, but he went along with it.

“Good, but my caseload is pretty crazy, and I just brought in a new corporate client which means even more work. I’m expecting to be made partner this year so hopefully all the long hours will pay off. If it doesn’t happen, there are plenty of other law firms that have made it known that they’re interested in me.”

“That’s amazing!” I exclaimed. “You’ll probably be the youngest partner at your firm!” I felt so much pride for him that I thought I would burst. Not only was Logan brilliant, he worked hard and took nothing for granted. He came from a wealthy family and could easily have used their influence and money to get ahead, but instead, he used his own intelligence and determination to succeed.

Logan shrugged at my assessment. “We’ll see when it actually happens.” He took a long swig of his beer and turned the subject to me. “What about you? Still happy at The Monitor Reports?”

I nodded with a smile. “You know it’s my dream job. I can roll out of bed in the morning, and my commute to work is only a few steps into my living room. Plus, how many people can wear pajamas while working and not worry about looking grubby? My hair can be sticking out a million d

ifferent directions, and I can spill coffee down my shirt without having to worry about changing.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “You paint a charming picture.” He motioned to the waitress for another round of beers, and I was surprised to realize I was already finished with my second one. The waitress wasted no time getting us the next round, and I took a long sip of the fresh beer, feeling my cheeks flush a little. I normally didn’t drink very much so I was already feeling happily buzzed. Having Logan sitting next to me in what seemed like a cozy cocoon in a noisy, crowded bar made me even happier.

The next few hours passed pleasantly in easy camaraderie, but I noticed that Logan had stopped drinking while I kept downing one after another. Every time I ordered another beer, Logan raised an eyebrow, but I ignored it. I had lost track of which number drink I was on as I looked for our waitress to order another, but I was distracted by Logan’s frown.

“I think you’ve had enough.”

I blinked at him, trying to process his statement through my cloudy mind. I knew I was drinking more than usual, but I didn’t understand what the big deal was. There was nothing wrong with relaxing and having a few beers and getting a little buzzed.

“I think I’m capable of knowing whether I’ve had enough to drink or not.” I winced a little at my slurred words, which didn’t help my case. “You’re the one being a Debbie Downer and not drinking anymore.”

“In case you forgot, I have to drive.”

I nodded, feeling slightly dumb, because I had forgotten. “Oh, yeah. Well, I don’t have to drive so I can drink as much as I want.”

Logan narrowed his eyes but just watched as I ordered another beer from the waitress. When I turned back to him, I rolled my eyes at his expression.

“So I’m having a few beers,” I said, feeling exasperated. “What’s the big deal?”

“I’m just worried that you’re drinking for another reason besides just wanting to cut loose.”

“Will you stop trying to psychoanalyze everything I do? There doesn’t have to be some deeper reason or meaning for me wanting to relax on a Saturday night! And I don’t need you breathing down my neck playing Big Brother!”

I didn’t realize that my voice was raised until I saw a few people in the surrounding tables glance at me. Logan’s jaw tensed and his usually affable expression darkened.