Aloha from Hell (Sandman Slim 3)

“Because I am an angel. And you’re the Scarecrow. A charming fellow. Now, if you only had a brain.”

“I wonder if they still get cable down here? I’m going to have to check that.”

Samael looks at Alice.

“See? He

I sit in Mason’s desk chair.

“I really have no fucking idea what I’m supposed to do. The angel was the smart one.”

“Try reading a book. There’s a library one floor down. Try reading up on how some of the smarter Greek kings did it.”

“None of them are audiobooks, are they?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Damn.”

“Good-bye, Jim,” says Alice.

“That’s ‘Lucifer’ to you, girlie.”

She smiles a crooked smile.

“See you around, you devil.”

I blow her a kiss.

They’re gone. And I’m alone in Hell again.

That’s not a bad title for a song. Maybe I’ll look up Hank Williams tomorrow.

They’re gone maybe thirty seconds when someone calls my name from the balcony. I pick up Mason’s black blade and go outside.

It’s Josef. He looks like he went in through a meat grinder and got hit by a truck on the way out.

He whispers in a broken, damaged voice, “You betrayed us.”

“All I did was betray a betrayer, so if you’re here for an apology, you can kiss my ass on the way out.”

“I never betrayed you.”

“Really? The thing with the wanted posters kept bugging me. Jack couldn’t have made it back in time. Mason was still into his war plans, so he wouldn’t have made the posters unless he knew I was going to Eleusis. That’s where you come in. You knew that’s where I was going.”

“What about your so-called friends? The chattering head. Or the disgraced priest. He’s consorted with darker souls than yours.”

“Maybe. What turned it for me was when I called you to Mason’s office. You already knew the layout. You knew Mason had strung up Jack. You’d been in Mason’s office before. It’s where you told him everything I was going to do.”>He says, “Healing nicely. The climate up north is excellent for the health. You should come visit sometime.”

“Don’t get too cozy up there. I was more than happy to put Mason in the ground, but I told you before that I’m just a temp. The gig is done. Hell is yours.”

Lucifer loops his arm through my Kissi arm and walks me to a window.

“You still don’t grasp the situation. I’m not Lucifer anymore. I’m Samael, and Samael is a creature of Heaven just like Lucifer is the lord of Hell. As of tonight, you are the new Lucifer.”

“Fuck that,” I say, backing off. “I quit. I abdicate. I’m impeaching myself. No way am I staying down here a second longer than I have to.”

“Actually, I think you are and it’s not my doing,” says Samael.