“I know,” I growled. And fuck me, I knew she had been faithful, not only because the photographer had confirmed her story, but also because Aria wasn’t like that. She wouldn’t cheat. I’d realized it quickly, but I was still fucking mad at her for going behind my back, and I was too fucking proud to apologize. “And apparently I can’t cheat on her either.”
“She’s got you pussy-whipped.”
If it were only that. She had my cold heart in an unrelenting grip, and I couldn’t shake it off.
My eyes scanned the crowd again and finally I found Aria. Gianna was at her side, practically holding her up. Aria looked pale and then her eyes settled on me, and I knew she’d seen me leave with Grace. She straightened and held my gaze.
This was it. My way to get rid of the weakness that made me an easy target for Dante.
“Apologize,” Matteo muttered. “For fuck’s sake, Luca, apologize to her.”
“No,” I said firmly. “We are done.”chapter 21ARIAI put on my thickest coat, a scarf and gloves before I walked out onto the terrace then down the slope toward the water. I watched the sun rise over the ocean, breathing in the cold air. I stood like that for a long time when steps sounded behind me. I turned around, expecting Gianna, but instead Matteo headed my way, dressed in only sweatpants and a shirt despite the freezing temperatures. He and I hadn’t exchanged more than a few words in the last four weeks. I turned back to the water, not sure if I wanted him to disturb this moment of almost peace. I rarely slept more than a few hours at night anymore. But I owed him thanks.
Matteo stopped beside me.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “For finding the photographer even if it was in vain.” Four weeks, and slowly I was starting to realize that this was it. That the love I’d taken for granted, I’d never experience again.
“Three years ago you kept a secret from Luca for me,” Matteo said in a voice gravelly with sleep. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be standing here today.”
I turned toward him and tilted my face up. We’d never talked about that day in the years that followed. “I did it for Luca,” I said because it was the truth and we both knew it. Merely speaking his name burned me up inside.
Matteo nodded, brown eyes searching mine. “And I found that photographer for him too because he needs you.”
I smiled sadly. “The last four weeks proved you wrong. Luca lives his life like he used to. He’s free again, free to party and to take women into his bed.” God, those words tore a hole into my chest, and my throat tightened until I was sure I’d suffocate.
Until Sylvester I’d harbored a flicker of hope but I was done, done with hoping for something that was never going to happen, done with the constant hurting.
Matteo shook his head with a smirk. “He didn’t sleep with the bitch. He didn’t touch her, didn’t do anything.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Four weeks and Luca hasn’t fucked anyone, hasn’t touched a single woman, hasn’t had his cock sucked. If he was done with you, he would have fucked his way through half of New York by now, trust me. The cold-hearted bastard seems to have a heart after all, and it beats only for you. He’s just too much of a stupid fucker to show you.”
Relief filled me, but part of me wasn’t sure if it even mattered that Luca was still faithful to me. Was there hope for us? For our love? Perhaps it was too broken.
“Go to him,” Matteo said imploringly. “He is too fucking proud.”
I turned back to the ocean and didn’t say anything. I wouldn’t go to Luca. I had tried in the beginning, but he kept pushing me back even though he knew I hadn’t cheated. He needed to make a small step toward me, show me that there was still hope for us. I had to protect not only myself but also our baby.
“Luca wants you to let the Doc take a look at you because of your weight loss.”
“I didn’t think he’d noticed—after all, he never even looks at me anymore.”
Matteo frowned. “He looks, trust me.” He waited, then sighed. “Aria, can’t you just fucking apologize to him even if you don’t mean it? One of you has to make the first step.”
“I’m going to get myself a tea,” I said, leaving him standing there. If Luca was worried, he could tell me himself, and yet part of me couldn’t stop the stupid relief that he still cared for my well-being.
I stepped inside, glad for the warmth. The cold had helped with the nausea but now that I was inside, it was back. After getting out of my coat, scarf and gloves, I headed toward our kitchen and turned on the electric kettle to make myself tea. One of the maids had put the tea bags up on the top shelf again, even though I took them down every time. It drove me crazy. I grabbed a chair but hesitated; with my dizziness the risk of falling was too big. I released the chair, opened the door to the shelf and took a spatula.