“Like us,” I said in wonder.
He managed a small smile, but his eyes held worry.
The knowledge that I carried twins changed things for Mom. It was as if she could finally see the babies as mine, not as something alien.
Samuel seemed to be coming around as well. He painted the nursery and set up the furniture for me. And Sofia? She was ecstatic about the prospect of being an aunt. But Dad … Dad had a harder time. He didn’t mention the pregnancy and never looked anywhere below my chin. I understood him, couldn’t possibly be angry because his eyes reflected his conflict.
I often managed to feel like I belonged once more, managed to pretend I wasn’t forced to hide in our home so no one found out I was pregnant. What I didn’t manage was to stop thinking about the man who was the reason for everything.
Every night I lay awake in bed. Every time I stroked my bump I saw him before my eyes. And every time I was torn between anger and longing. Sometimes I wondered if I should find a way to let him know, but then I thought of my family, of their slow healing process, of what my kidnapping had done to them, and I couldn’t do it. What did you owe the man who kidnapped you? Who tried to destroy the people you cared about? The man who took your heart, only to push you away?
Nothing.
I owed Remo Falcone nothing.
These were my children, and they’d grow up as part of my family, as part of the Outfit. I’d hide the truth from them as long as I could. They would not find out who their father was until they had to. If I wanted them to have a chance in the Outfit, they couldn’t be Falcones. They couldn’t be associated with Remo at all.
In mid-May I gave birth to the most beautiful creations I could imagine and knew with absolute certainty that everything I’d wished for them would never become reality.
CHAPTER 24
SERAFINA
I loved my family with all my heart. And they loved me. But the moment I held my children in my arms, I knew I could not stay with them forever, knew it with soul-crushing certainty.
Nevio and Greta were Remo. Dark eyes, thick black hair.
For everyone in the Outfit they’d always be Falcones, always the result of something horrid, born out of something shameful, something dark. But for me they were the most beautiful creation I could imagine. They were utter perfection. Twins like Samuel and me. They would lift each other up, make each other stronger like Samuel and I had done when we were younger and still did. It would be us against the world. It couldn’t be any other way.
Samuel stayed with me in the hospital after the birth while Mom went home for a few hours of sleep after twenty hours at my side during labor. Samuel’s eyes were kind and loving as they looked down at me, but these tender emotions vanished as soon as he turned toward my children sleeping in their cradle. He wasn’t doing it on purpose, but my children reminded him of something he and everyone else were desperate to forget.
And how could he not be reminded when my twins looked like Falcones?
My heart ached fiercely when I looked at them, throbbing with a longing I’d tried to bury with the memories of Remo, but Remo wasn’t a man that could be forgotten.
Not easily, not quickly, not ever.
Two days after giving birth, Mom and Samuel carried my twins into the house because I still had trouble lifting anything heavier than a glass of water. The family had come together for the occasion, but I knew it wasn’t to celebrate. Dad and Dante probably needed to discuss how to keep my children a secret. The Underbosses knew. They had to for the sake of the Outfit. Danilo did, but I hadn’t talked to him since the day Sofia had been promised to him.
Samuel held my arm while his other carried the baby carrier. Walking the stairs was more than a little uncomfortable, and I was glad when I finally arrived inside our house.
Valentina came toward me and hugged me gently. She and Dante were still trying for child number three, but so far it wasn’t working. She peered down at my babies with a soft smile. “They are beautiful, Serafina.”
“They are,” I agreed.
Sam and Dad exchanged a look, and it felt like a stab in the heart because when they looked at my children they saw the black hair and dark eyes and nothing more. They saw Falcones. They saw shame and guilt. Would they ever allow my babies to be more than the greatest failure in the history of the Outfit?
Sofia rushed down the staircase followed by Anna. Leonas showed less enthusiasm than the girls as he sauntered down the steps, rolling his eyes.