She barely took a step before she felt his hand close around her wrist. “What do you mean by that?” he demanded.
She couldn’t make herself look at him. “I know you don’t understand how I could have made those back-up plans to protect Joel-”
“How you could take him away from his father, from his home,” he said, his voice full of emotion.
She closed her eyes to contain herself. “The reason you’ll never understand is because your father wasn’t abusive and you lost him and your home. That’s all you can see. I wish, for one moment, just one moment that you could pretend my father was your father and he’d abused you.”
Silence followed and Nicole felt herself tremble.
“It still doesn’t change-”
A crushing disappointment pushed down on her and she stepped away from Rafe, pulling her hand from his. “That’s what makes it so hard,” she said, forcing herself to look at him. “Nothing is going to change. And I did this other very stupid thing that I wish I could change, but it’s not happening.”
He frowned at her. “What other stupid thing?”
She gave a wry laugh that hid a sob. “In spite of all the warnings from Tabitha, from Maddie, from my father, I went and fell-” She broke off. “Do you know how hard it is to stay in this house married to you knowing that you hate me?” She shook her head. “I’m going to my room.”
“Nicole,” he said, catching her hand again and the warmth of his hand reminded her of all the warmth they’d begun to share, but lost.
She shook her head. “Let me go,” she said, wishing her voice wasn’t so obviously full of tears. “I’ve said too much.”
The following Friday evening, Nicole flew to Atlanta, leaving Rafe with Joel. Rafe noticed his son pacing to the front windows then back to the den where Joel’s favorite cartoon was on television.
“Everything okay?” Rafe asked, looking up from his newspaper.
Joel nodded, sitting on the sofa, but swinging his legs restlessly. “I wonder if Mom is with Aunt Julia and baby Sidney.”
Rafe glanced at his watch. Nicole had insisted on flying coach even though he’d offered the use of his jet. “Her plane was supposed to arrive thirty minutes ago, so I’m sure she’s on her way to your aunt’s house.”
“She said she’d call me when she gets there,” Joel said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“She will.”
“She’s gonna be a godmother to Sidney, but that’s not a real mother. She’ll still be my real mother,” Joel said.
“Always,” Rafe said. “Come here and sit with me,” he said.
Joel jumped off the couch and climbed into Rafe’s lap. Rafe felt a flood of love and protectiveness for his son. He was so young, so vulnerable. Rafe would do anything to keep his Joel safe.
He could tell that Joel missed Nicole. What surprised Rafe was his own sense that something was wrong in the house since she’d left. It was his house for Pete’s sake, so he should be fine with her not there. In fact, he should be relieved. Without her around, he wasn’t reminded of what she’d done. He wasn’t reminded of the fact that they were married in name only. He wasn’t reminded of her sexy sweetness and the way she’d once made him believe he could have what he’d always longed for with her and Joel.
In the two weeks since their wedding, he’d expected to see resentment in her eyes. Instead, he’d glimpsed her pain. Plus, she’d offered to give up all her rights, all the money he’d agreed to give her if they divorced. He’d thought it was a ploy. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Joel laid his head against Rafe’s chest and gave a heavy sigh. Thirty minutes later, his son was asleep. Rafe carefully shifted him in his arms and carried him upstairs. He considered putting him to bed without brushing his teeth, but knew Nicole would have his hide.
After Rafe helped Joel get ready for bed, his son pulled out a book about animal mommies. Halfway through the book, his cell rang. Checking the caller ID, he saw that it was Nicole and his heart stumbled oddly. “Hi,” he said.
“Hi. Thanks for picking up. I promised Joel I would call him.”
“Here he is,” Rafe said and held the phone against Joel’s ear. Joel chatted with her for a moment, asking about baby Sidney and Aunt Julia.
“Yes, I’ve been good. Daddy and I had pizza.” He paused a moment. “I love you, too, Mommy.”
“Let me talk to her once more,” Rafe said in a low voice.
“Here’s Daddy,” Joel said.
“I can still send my personal jet to bring you back,” Rafe offered.
“No. It’s really not necessary,” she said. “After all, it’s a direct flight. The chauffeur can pick me up.”
“Okay,” he said. “Take care of yourself.”
She paused. “You, too.”
Joel picked up the book again for Rafe to finish. “I have the best mom in the world,” he said, rubbing his eyes and slinking against Rafe. “She reads me lots of books and she plays games with me. She gives me hugs. She’s not very good at Wii, though.”
Rafe chuckled. “Nobody’s perfect.”
“She’s almost perfect,” Joel said and reached up to give Rafe a hug. “Are we gonna live here forever?”
Rafe sucked in a deep breath at the hope in his son’s eyes. “Do you like it here?”
Joel nodded. “I like the pool,” he said. “And you’re good at Wii.”
Rafe cradled his son against him. “I like having you here,” he muttered.
Joel sighed and yawned. “You give good hugs, too. G’night.”
“G’night,” Rafe echoed and turned off the bedside lamp. He glanced back at his son before he left the room and the second he stepped into the hall, he felt a shocking loneliness. When had it happened? When had his desire for Nicole turned to need? He’d been so angry he’d denied the possibility of feeling anything but betrayal.
It suddenly hit Rafe that despite her doubts and worries, she had done everything she possibly could to help Rafe forge a good relationship with his son. She had backed him with the social services specialist. She’d believed in him when she’d walked in on that ridiculous scene with Maddie, and she’d stayed with him despite all the terrible things her father had said about him. She could have left. A hundred times, she could have left, but she hadn’t.
As if someone washed the mud off his glasses, he saw things differently. Rafe realized that when he’d rejected Nicole, he had turned away the most precious thing in his life.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he searched for a way to repair the damage. She’d looked so broken this afternoon before she’d left. Resolved, but miserable.
He’d done that to her. What good had it done? In punishing her, he was punishing himself. Swearing under his breath, he wondered if he’d lost the chance of a lifetime.
Nicole took her seat in the front chapel pew as Julia held Sidney and her husband chatted with the chaplain at the front. A small group of family friends filled the small chapel.
Tears filled her eyes at the love Julia and her husband shared. Julia was so lucky. Nicole would never know that kind of love from her husband. She pulled a tissue from her purse, wishing she weren’t so emotional. If she remained married to Rafe, she’d probably never have another child. The thought stabbed at her like a hot coal.
She gave herself a stern kick in the butt. She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself. After all, she was honored that Julia had chosen her as Sidney’s godmother.
The sound of footsteps distracted her and she looked up to find Rafe and Joel walking toward her. Shock coursed through her and she stood. “Is everything okay?” she asked Rafe, glancing again at Joel. “Is he-”
“He’s fine,” Rafe said. “I just decided that you should have your husband and son by your side when you become a godmother.
She dropped her jaw. “How did you-”
“I have a jet,” he said, touching her arm and guiding her to sit down. “Remember?”
Joel rushed to give her a hug. “Why is Sidney’s dress so long?” he asked in a loud whisper.
“It’s called a christening gown. That’s what they look like,” she said and smiled. “I missed you.”
He gave her another hug and sat on the other side of her. She noticed Rafe extended his arm across the back of the pew, just touching her shoulders and wondered what was going on. “I don’t understand.”
“We’ll talk later,” he said.
She studied his gaze and for the first time in weeks, saw no anger. Her heart stuttered.
“Welcome to each of you,” the chaplain said. “We’re here to give thanks and celebrate our joy at the arrival of this precious child.”
Nicole focused on the ceremony, but was distracted by Rafe’s presence, the way he looked at her. She could almost think he wanted-She broke off the thought, afraid to hope.
Afterward, the small group adjourned to Julia and her husband’s home for a casual gathering with finger foods. Julia greeted Rafe. “I didn’t think you were coming. What a surprise.”
“Last-minute decision. I hope you don’t mind,” Rafe said.
“Not at all,” she said, her gaze bouncing between Rafe and Nicole. She glanced at Joel, who was building a LEGO castle with another child. “Joel looks occupied. I think I left a couple of gifts in the car. Would you two mind getting them for me?”
“Of course,” Nicole said and led the way to the driveway. She rubbed her hands over her arms, the cool temperature taking her by surprise.
Rafe replaced her hands with his, shocking the living daylights out of her. “You’ve already gotten used to the Miami warmth,” he said.
She nodded, her heart hammering against her ribcage. “I guess I have.”
“I’ve been wrong,” he said.