“His game was the best it had ever been, and he was riding the wave. His endorsements were coming in hand over fist. When he won his first-ever big title, I was standing there while he celebrated with a random girl who walked up to him while he was walking off the course. He let her fawn all over him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her around her waist. If you asked anyone, they would have thought they were a couple.” My hands start to shake. “I told him it bothered me. He made it seem like I was asking to sacrifice his game by admitting we were married. On our wedding anniversary, I found a reservation that he made at this posh hotel. I showed up, thinking I was surprising him. I did my hair and makeup and made sure to wear his favorite dress. Only to walk in with him and the same girl who he celebrated with.” I wipe the tear away.
“He tried to tell me it meant nothing. He tried to say it was the first time and that I was making a big deal about nothing. I called Grandma Nancy that day, and she came to get me.” I look up for the first time to see him, and he just looks at me. I can’t tell if he cares or not, but I want him to know it all. No matter what happens, I want him to know the little piece of me no one else knows. “She gave zero fucks about the NDA I signed and got a lawyer who hired a private investigator, and we found out that he had sixteen women scattered all across America who he would meet up with while he was ‘on tour.’” I swallow now, wishing I had water. “Grandma wouldn’t cave and made sure he paid through the ass. He dragged his feet during the divorce because he thought I would take him back when I just wanted to be done with him. Every five years, he has to pay me a portion of what he makes, which is why he showed up. He hand delivers the check.”
“He’s the reason you could afford the twenty-five thousand?” he asks me, his jaw tight.
“Yes,” I answer, and I see him fist his hand.
“That’s why you didn’t like women coming up to me?” he asks me. “So I had to pay for his mistakes.” He laughs out. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Tell you what?” I look at him. “Tell you that I’m divorced. The night you spoke to me about getting married, my heart literally sank in my chest. How could I tell you that I was divorced when you would only get married once. Meanwhile, here I was, married and divorced. I couldn’t muster up the courage, at least not then.” I look at down at my hands. “But I was going to.”
“Yeah, I can imagine when.” His voice comes out harshly. “I mean, it’s not like we had the time or anything.”
“I guess you’re right,” I say, getting up. My body starts to get a chill, and I know that if I don’t leave now, he’ll be witness to the complete breakdown that I’m going to have. “Thank you for giving me a chance to explain.” I turn around and start to walk out.
“Thank you,” he says, his voice soft, and I turn around. “For showing me what type of man I want to be.” He stares at me, and the tears form in my eyes so much I can’t see. I nod at him and start to walk out.
“I’m sorry,” he says, and I stop in my tracks, letting the tears fall before I turn around. “For what I said yesterday about you not being worth it.” Whatever is left of my heart is now shattered. It’s broken and shot to shit. I look at him and know that I will never love a man like I love him. I know that after everything is said and done, he is going to be the love that got away.
“I hope you find someone,” I say the words, trying not to let my voice tremble. “I hope you find the love you deserve.” I don’t say anything else. I take one more look at him and walk out of the house. The door slamming behind me is symbolic to the relationship ending. To my heart shutting down, my body shutting down.
I practically run to my car, getting in, and I somehow hope that he comes running after me. I sit in the driver’s seat and count to ten to see if maybe he’ll forgive me. Seeing if maybe, just maybe I am worthy of his love. But the door stays shut. I have to give him what he wants, and he’s made it clear he doesn’t want me.