“Goodbye, Miller,” I say to him and pull out of his driveway. I look back through the rearview mirror one last time, but all it does is show me that I’m driving farther and farther away from him.Chapter 32MillerThe door closes behind her, and for the second time, I let her go. My heart screams to go after her, my head telling me that she doesn’t want me. If she wanted you, she wouldn’t have walked out. I get up, making myself coffee, my head spinning with her story. The pain that she was in while she told me her story killed me. Each word was like a kick in the stomach. Her hands shook so hard in her lap that I’m worried she’ll get into an accident. Shaking my head, I walk over to my bedroom and grab a T-shirt, and then I walk out of the house. I have to make sure she makes it home okay.
I get into my car and make my way over to her house. My mind replays everything in my head. She married another man. I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t imagine her married to that man. A man who treated her like that, who didn’t cherish her. Who wasn’t proud to have her standing beside him. I pull up on her street and see her park her car. She gets out with her head down and her shoulders shaking. She stops right next to her car, and I see that she almost falls. But she catches herself and holds the wall on her way in.
I watch as she closes the door behind her, and then I leave. My mind numbs as I get back home and walk into the house. I walk to the fridge, opening it and then closing it. Walking back to my bedroom, I stop in the doorway, and if I close my eyes, I can still smell her. I walk over to the bed and grab the note she left on there. I sit on the bed, unfolding the white paper and seeing her handwriting.
Miller,
Welcome home, and just so you know, I missed you. And your little friend, too.
P.S. It’s not that little.
I laugh and then cry, tears coming down my face as I open the drawer beside the bed that holds all her other notes. I softly close the drawer and then lie back on the bed, but I can’t stay in here. I feel her all around me. I get up, grabbing her pillow, and walk out to the spare bedroom. I kick off my shoes and fall onto the bed.
“I love you,” I say out loud to the walls, hugging her pillow in my arms. My chest aches as I close my eyes and see her stumbling out of her car. I wonder if she’s okay. I wonder if she ate something. I wonder if it hurts her as much as it’s hurting me.
The night is the worst when I reach out for her, thinking she’s there only to come up empty-handed. When I walk into the arena the next day, Ralph takes one look at me, and I just shake my head. He nods at me, and I want to know if he spoke to her. I want to ask him if she’s okay. But I don’t. I sit on the bench and look ahead as people get dressed to go on the ice.
He waits for us to be alone before he looks over at me. “You didn’t have to come in today.” His voice is soft.
“What else was I supposed to do? Stay in my fucking house that I want to burn down?” I look at him. “Is she okay?”
He shakes his head. “Candace went over there last night,” he tells me. “I know how you feel.” He should. Last year, Candace took off on him only to come back, and he refused to let go of her.
I grab a bottle of water from the table in the middle of the room. I take a sip. “Yeah, well, it was too good to be true.” I taste the bitterness in my words as I get up. “Better sooner than later.”
“You going to be okay?” he asks, and I take a sip of the water. The truthful answer is no. I don’t think I will ever be okay. “I’m here if you need anything,” he says, getting up and grabbing his helmet.
“Thanks,” I tell him, and all I do is sit here. I watch people come and go, and I don’t move. I get up only after Ralph comes back into the room. Sweat pours down his face, and he just looks at me.
“Have you been sitting there the whole time?” he asks, and only then do I stand.
“Yeah, I’m going to head out,” I tell him. “See you tomorrow.”