“Of course,” David said. “Go on.”
I bolted up the steps and changed into a t-shirt and jeans, a small but necessary step up from my embarrassing outfit. When I came downstairs again, I was surprised to hear the bellow of two deep laughs emanating from the patio.
“I see you found your common ground,” I said cautiously, stepping outside.
“I like him already,” my dad said, raising his glass to David. “Never understood a man who doesn’t appreciate a good whiskey.” They clinked glasses of amber liquid and each took a deep sip. “So, Olivia tells me you’re an architect.”
“Yes, sir. I’m partner at a firm in Chicago, but I do work all over the country.”
I blinked my surprise. “Partner?”
He nodded. “I became partner a few years back, but I hate the politics of it. I focus on what I love, which is more planning and design.”
“I had no idea,” I said.
“I prefer to remain silent. As you may have noticed, I have no tolerance for office bullshit.” I cringed when my mind flashed to the harsh way he’d fired his receptionist, Clare, right in front of me.
“I hear you,” my dad said. “That’s why I went into consulting. I make my own hours, set my own fee. No bullshit. Partner for a top firm, though – that’s impressive.”
“He’s one of Chicago’s most in-demand architects,” I bragged.
David eyed me playfully.
“And he has a Porsche,” I blurted.
My dad’s posture straightened instantly. “Porsche?”
“Yes, sir. 911 Classic.”
“That so?”
“That your C7 in the driveway?” David asked.
He nodded once. “And a ’68 Shelby in the garage.”
“What else do you have?” I asked David, knowing the fastest way to my dad’s heart was in a sports car.
“The Mercedes is an SL 65 AMG. Black Series. And in New York, I’ve got a beautiful, copper Aston Martin Vantage.”
“Engine?”
“V12.”
My dad let out a low whistle. “Shame to keep a car like that boxed up in the city.”
“Tell me about it. Barely get to take her above eighty, but that baby can fly.”
I watched David as he spoke, picturing how he’d handle a fast car on the open road. If it was anything like the way he handled everything else, it would be casually but in complete control.
When I realized the conversation had stopped, I looked from David to my dad. He was chuckling. “I’ll give you two a chance to catch up,” he said. “I’m going to run to the market. Will you be staying for dinner, David?”
“Yes,” I answered.
Once he’d disappeared into the house, I sat on the cushion of the nearest chaise lounge. I looked at the seat next to me and then up at David. He swirled his drink thoughtfully and sat.
“I can’t believe you’re here,” I said quietly, placing my hand on his thigh.
“It drives me insane when I don’t know what you’re thinking,” he said right away. “You tell me you’re still empty inside after our weekend? Do you know how it tears me apart to hear that?”
I gulped back tears. “I didn’t mean it,” I whispered. “I was scared. I felt cornered.”
“Why?” he demanded. “What reason have I ever given you to be afraid?”
“You deserve everything, and I don’t have that to give.”
He leaned his elbows on his knees and kept his eyes forward. “I’m worried that you’re thinking about going back to Bill, and nothing would be worse than that. If you don’t want to be with me,” he paused, swallowed and shook his head, “if it meant you were truly happy, I would respect it. But talk about being worthy . . . he isn’t. I couldn’t live with knowing I’d had you and in the end, you still chose him.” He turned his head and looked at me finally from under heavy eyebrows. “I couldn’t, Olivia.”
“It’s over.” He searched my eyes, and I nodded. “I went to see him last night, and it’s done.”
His muscles tightened along with his jaw. “You went alone?”
I placed my hand on his arm and squeezed. “It’s over. Completely.”
He exhaled but kept his eyes on me. “And us?”
I searched his face. In his eyes I saw everything I wanted. His love. Why couldn’t I accept it? What had I built around my heart that he couldn’t break through? I imagined, all those years ago, it had calcified into something inhuman, something hard, because I had buried it, ignored it, starved it. And for the first time, I wanted to let someone in, but was it too late? Was there any chance of penetrating its hardened exterior? r />
His eyes flashed as I sat looking at him. “Baby,” he whispered. His voice turned grave. “Let go, please. I’m here, begging you to let me in. Let me love you the way you deserve. I know you’re afraid, but I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
“How do you know?” I blurted. The happiness I’d felt just from seeing him and the fear his words inspired found their way up my chest. “How do I know you won’t grow tired of me like you did the others?”
“Others?” he asked. “Olivia, there are no others. There only is, and only ever has been, you. Finding you finally . . . I’ve been looking for you for so fucking long. Let me love you.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know how.”
He dropped his head in his hands and ran them through his hair. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how else to get you to see.” He swung his head in my direction. “Is it a ring you want?”
“What?” I gasped, shaking my head. “No!”
“What then? Tell me. I can’t . . .” He put his head back in his hands. Pain emanated from him, and it cut me deeply. I wanted to take it away however I could, no matter what it took.
I dropped onto the concrete and sat back on my calves between his legs. With a hand on each of his knees, I looked up at him through blurry eyes. I took a deep breath. “You were right that night in my apartment,” I admitted. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone. Not even Bill, and not even close. You’re also right that I’m afraid. I’m scared to death that one day you’ll realize you were wrong and leave. Or that you’ll grow bored with the day-to-day and miss your bachelor pad.”
“I hate – ”
“I know, you hate when I call it that. Let me finish. I get that you believe you love me. I see it in the way you look at me. I feel it when you make love to me. You can tell me it a million times, but it won’t change the fact that one day, you might leave. And after only a few days of us, I’m on the verge of a breakdown just thinking about it. What will happen if you do leave? I’d fall, David, and I’d never get back up.”
His beautiful brown eyes darted between mine. I wanted to drown in them. I could drown in them, let them swallow me without a fight. That was what scared me most of all.
“You’re so afraid,” he whispered finally. “I can see it in your eyes.”