I nodded.

“You have got to let go. You’re killing something beautiful here.” I inhaled sharply and tried to look away, but he caught my chin. “Trust me like I trust you. If you leave me now, I’m the one who will break. Is that what you want? You’re it for me. It’s you. I love you, and no matter how much shit you put me through, nothing will change that.”

My chest stuttered with short breaths as he tore away at my exterior, forcing me to confront my fears or lose him.

“I won’t let anything hurt you, my love,” he said. “And if it does, you’re strong enough to handle it. You’ve been so strong for fifteen years.”

My eyes widened, and I unexpectedly burst into tears. I tried to look away, but his hand held my chin firmly.

“Since the divorce, you’ve carried this fear with you. You’re strong, you’ve proved that. Let me take over now. Give it all to me, and let me be strong for you. Please, let go so I can take care of you.”

I pulled away finally and sobbed into my hands. After another moment I felt his hands pulling on my wrists. His voice was deep when he said, “Don’t hide from me.”

“David,” I said through uncontrollable sobs. “When my parents divorced, I realized that there was no such thing as forever. That things could be taken away in an instant. And it scares me to death how strong our connection is because,” I paused, whimpering with despair, “because the thought of you taking it away is too much to bear.”

He set my hands back on his knees and tucked some hair behind my ear before cupping my face.

“But since the moment I saw you,” I continued, “I’ve felt something that I didn’t think existed. Real and true love. I didn’t recognize it at first, because I didn’t know what it was.”

“You’re there, Olivia,” he said, his eyes boring into mine. “Give me all the shit, everything you’ve been through, and I will take it. Let it go.”

I nodded. “I want to let it go.”

“So do it,” he said gently. “You’re there, just do it.”

My face contorted as his words ran through my mind. Do it. Let go. He said I’d been strong. He knew the load I carried, and he wanted to take it. I wanted to give it to him. I nodded and surprised him by throwing my arms around his neck. “I trust you. For you, only you, I can do it,” I whispered and cried into his shoulder. I cried because the little girl in me, my thirteen-and-a-half-year-old self, could finally let go. She could finally trust someone enough for me to love and to let love me. I cried because I thought I would never know what it meant to open myself and be at the mercy of another person – pleasure, pain and all.

His arms were tight around me, his hand stroking my hair.

“All I ever wanted was to let go,” I said into his neck. I pulled back and looked him in his sweet, chestnut-brown eyes. With tear-streaked cheeks and a runny nose, I said, “I love you.”

“I know,” he replied, running his thumbs under my eyes and wiping away the wetness. “I’ve always known.”

~

I watched from over the rim of my wine glass. David poked at a steak on the grill as he and my dad talked very masculine things I didn’t care about. I had done it. I had taken the plunge, and I was scared to death. But more than that, I was blissfully happy. He had broken through something in me with his words, his eyes, his love. How did he know there was a girl in me who couldn’t let go? Who’d been hanging on to something for so long, she couldn’t remember a life before it? David was the only thing I wanted in my life and if it didn’t last, at least I would have these moments with him. He looked over at me and winked, and I wondered if I’d ever seen a more beautiful sight than that.

It was a perfect night in Dallas, and the sun set over us as we cut into our steaks.

“So,” my dad said, “what happens next with Bill?”

I sighed as my bliss bubble popped. Peace was always fleeting. “Well, he has been clear about the fact that he’s not going down without a fight. I guess that means we’ll be going to court.”

“That doesn’t surprise me. I always knew he had a little weasel in him.”

“Dad,” I admonished. “I’m in the wrong here. Because I was unfaithful, he wants me to pay.”

“It’s an empty threat,” David said. “Illinois is a ‘no fault’ state, meaning that infidelity will have hardly any impact on the division of assets. I talked to my lawyer.”

“You did?” I asked.

“Of course.”

“Do you think Bill knows that?”

“Of course he knows that, Olivia,” David said. “He’s a lawyer, for Christ’s sake. He was just trying to scare you. What sorts of assets do you two have?”

“Not much, I guess. We rent the apartment. We own a car, furniture, bank account. The car’s in his name.”

“Do you have any debt?”

I shook my head. “Dad paid for all my school, and Bill’s debt is minimal if anything. He was – is very frugal. We were pre-approved for a loan on the Oak Park house, but that’s it.”

“I didn’t know you’d made an offer,” Dad said. “Thank God they didn’t accept it.” My fork stopped mid-way to my mouth, and David turned to look at my dad. “What?”

“They didn’t accept it because I bought it,” David told him.

“I’m sorry?”

“I bought the house out from under Bill. For Olivia.”

“That’s a little extreme, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir. But I always trust my gut, in business and otherwise. And my gut told me Olivia would eventually come around.”

No amount of struggling could suppress the smile that broke out over my face. David took my hand under the table and squeezed it.

“Well, well. There’s that smile,” my dad said. “I haven’t seen that in too long.”

“Dad,” I said, embarrassed.

“Bill never made you smile like that. Not that I ever saw. Honestly, it . . .” To my horror, he stopped and sniffled. “It brings a tear to my eye.”

My chin quivered, an automatic response to seeing my dad cry for only the second time in my life.

“No, no,” he said, wiping his face with his napkin. “No more tears. Let David finish his thought.”

David hesitated, and I couldn’t help but laugh through the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, honey, what were you saying?” I asked.

“Um, well . . . how attached are you to the car and the furniture?”

Tags: Jessica Hawkins The Cityscape Erotic
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