“Everything will be all right, baby girl.”
I wipe a tear from my cheek as my mom holds my hand from her seat beside my bed.
“I'm gonna kill him!”
Trouble is, I believe my dad will actually kill Hammer for this. But I don't want that. Hammer is just shocked right now. This was a lot for him to take in. We hadn't talked about kids. Hell, we hadn't talked about anything to do with our future. But I guess – hope – he'll come around. He just needs a little time.
“Daddy?” I hold my hand out to him. He's angry, but he takes it and kisses my knuckles. “Please don't hurt him. He's just in shock, we both are. He just needs a few minutes to get his head around this.”
“He best get his head around it fast, because this baby is comin' whether he likes it or not!”
“I didn't mean for this to happen.” I sob, my eyes closed and heavy.
God, I'm tired.
“Baby girl, we know. Don't worry about anything right now.”
She says don't worry, but how can I not?
My dad believes Hammer has emotionally hurt me. Of course, he'd want to make Hammer pay for that. He warned us both what would happen if Hammer ever hurt me.
I just hope my dad doesn't do anything. I don't need him to protect me. Hammer will come around. I know he will.
“Mommy,” I'm struggling to stay awake. Christ, I've never been so tired. “Don't let daddy...”
“Shh...” Is all I hear before sleep takes me under.
Chapter Eighteen
Hammer
I've been a fuckin' nervous wreck all night. When Shepard pulled me out of the job watching Ghost, basically making sure Vidal didn't go back on his word to let him live and be with Avery while he cleans up the mess following us, I thought I'd done something wrong. Or at least, something else to piss him off. He's been quite the cunt since he found out about Willow and me.
But it was nothing to do with that or even watching out for Ghost. Nor is it anything to do with Vidal and him holding up his end of the bargain to deal with those fucks threatening us. It had to do with the fact my girl was sick.
I hadn't expected to walk into Shepard's bedroom and find her slumped in a chair beneath the window, sweating and shaking. Even her breathing was cause for concern. I couldn't wake her, so we called a doctor in who sent her straight to the hospital.
Turns out Willow has what the Doctor called, “Walking pneumonia.” Which is a mile case of the more serious strength of the illness. We’re all grateful it’s only a mild case. She's also pregnant.
Pregnant!
I'm so fuckin' shocked I haven't been able to get my brain to think for the past three hours. Shepard gave me fuckin' shit, of course, but Lynette forced him to calm down and take a step back. Not that I give a shit about him. All I give a shit about is Willow and our baby.
I have never given any real thought to kids. Cindy never wanted them, so I never thought about it. Maybe I did a little. Cindy was going to be my wife, of course, I thought about her belly round with my child. But it wasn't something I was willing to push with her. She didn't want them so I didn't.
But Willow? I always knew Willow would want to be a mother someday. But I have no idea if she's even ready for this.
She better get ready because this baby is comin' whether she's ready or not. There's no way on earth I'd let her get rid of it. And the next person that asks me if I'm sure it's mine is getting popped in the fuckin' head! The girl hasn't been with anyone but me in months.
How dare they suggest my girl has been unfaithful!
Do they have a fuckin' death wish?
They know Willow, they know full well she'd never do something like that. Especially as she's been through it herself with Trace. I could kill the lot of them!
I'm a bastard, though, I walked away from her when she needed me the most. How could I have done that to her? Yeah, I have a lot going on right now, too much on my mind to deal with, but that didn't mean I had the right to walk away from her.
I really need to speak to my brother about what I've found out. That we don't have the same father, that Tank is only my half-brother after all. But the truth is, I just don't know how to tell him. I don't wanna hurt him, but there's no way around it. The longer I leave it, the harder this is going to be on him. I don't want him to see me differently. I'm his big brother, ain't nothing in the world ever gonna change that.
I also need to get my head out of my ass and go see my girl, but the fact Shepard is now charging toward me with murder in his eyes, I'm not sure I'll be alive long enough to tell anybody anything.
He grabs the front of my cut, lifting me right out of my seat and slamming me back against the wall so fast I don't have time to blink. “You stupid fuck!”
“Shepard, let go of him!” Lynette pulls at his arm, but there's no way he's letting go of me until he's said his piece.
And I'll let him because I deserve it.
“Do you have any idea how Willow is feelin' right now?! Do you even care?!”
“Of course I care!” I yell back. “I love her! I'm a little fuckin' shocked here, Prez!”
“I don't give a fuck how shocked you are, you little fuck! You're gonna take responsibility for my daughter and that baby she's carrying, or so help me God, I will fuckin' kill you!”
His eyes bore into me and I feel the fires of hell burning deep into my soul. Does he honestly think that I'd walk away from Willow and our baby? I know leaving the room when I did was the wrong thing, but I honestly couldn't get my head around any of what the doctor was saying.
“Don't do this, Vince. Please.” Lynette pleads.
“She's right, Dad.”
Shepard snarls at Jett's words. My eyes lock with Tank's for a second, he shakes his head at me. What the hell does he think I'm going to do?!
“I'm sorry, okay?” I yank his hands off of me and push him away from me. I can't fuckin' breathe with him this close! “I know I've pissed you off, but I need to see Willow.”
He opens his mouth to spit some more fatherly shit at me, no doubt. But Lynette tells him to shut up and pulls him away from me. I can't blame the guy for being pissed at me, he made me promise never to hurt Willow, and look what I've done. But I'll make this right. I'll make her see that I love her and that I'm sorry for making her cry.
“Shepard?” He turns his angry eyes to me. Everyone else out here waiting, my brother, Willow's brother, sister, a couple of other brothers, all turn to look at me. “For what it's worth, I really am sorry. I love Willow and I'm not going to let her down. I'm gonna make her my wife, and I hope we have your blessing.” It wasn't a question. I don't need his approval, but it would mean the world to Willow to have it.
He says nothing, just looks at me for a moment, his arm wrapped around his wife before nodding slightly and turning away. That's all the blessing I need to make this happen.
I look at Tank for a second, he smiles, his arms around Nova. How the hell am I going to tell my little brother what I know I can't put off any longer?
I turn away from him and walk into Willow's room. She stirs as I take a seat beside her, I just want to look at her. I stroke her hair back from her forehead. She's so beautiful that it stifles me.
How did I get so lucky?
There must be a reason God handed this angel to me. He took Cindy but he gave me Willow. I'm done questioning why things happened, I'm done wallowing in the past. I have to think about the future.
Willow is my future. Willow and our baby. The baby I know Cindy is protecting from her perch in heaven. I know she's smiling down on us, happy in the knowledge she was right all along.
I've never wanted to admit this, but Cindy once asked me why I chose her. Why would I want her when she believed Willow was my destiny? I laughed it off and told her that was crazy. I loved her more than life itself and she was never to question it again.
But she looked at me with a smile on her face and said, ‘One day, you'll see what everyone else sees, Hammer. One
day, you'll see how Willow looks at you, you'll see how much she loves you, would do anything for you. When that day comes, the love I know you have for her will hit you so hard, you won't know which way is up.’
‘Never gonna happen, baby, you are my life.’ I told her.
‘I know. I don't doubt your love for me, Hammer. I just know what I know.’ She said nothing more, simply laid her head on my chest and let me hold her close.
We never spoke about it again. Now I wonder if she really knew this would happen. Did she really know that one day she would no longer be here and Willow and I would fall in love? Or did she believe that we'd fall in love and I'd leave her?