Endurance (The Sin Trilogy 4)

I love a badass I can never have.

“I can’t believe how different you are now. I remember listening to you and Dad swap stories about the dangerous situations you’d gotten into and your face would glow with delight. Just like his. You thrived on danger. Just like him. You used to live for it, but now you live for your husband and these three little babies.”

“I do. They’re my everything.”

Bleu was content to remain disconnected from people. She didn’t date. She didn’t make friends. She had Mom, Dad, and me. We were the only people she cared about and that was fine by her . . . until Sin and the babies. “I’m happy things turned out the way they did for you, Bleu. And I’m glad Dad got to see you happy before he died.”

“I wish he and Mom could have seen the babies.”

“They would have loved their grandbabies to pieces. I bet they would have moved to Edinburgh to watch them grow up.”

“Oh, definitely.”

Bleu slowly inches to the edge of the recliner and then stands. “I know why you’re here, so I’m going to put her down before we start the Jamie conversation. Go choose a bottle of wine from the chiller while I’m gone.”

“I thought you couldn’t have alcohol while you were nursing.”

“I need it for the talk we’re about to have so I’ll pump and discard.”

I choose a white from the chiller since I prefer something with a sweeter flavor. “Riesling okay with you?”

“Works for me.”

Bleu fetches a pair of wine glasses and we return to the living room. I stop at the bookcase and pick up a framed photo of Sin, Jamie, and Leith. Such a handsome trio of Scotsmen. Hard to believe all three are so deadly. They look like they should be fashion or fitness models instead of dangerous Fellowship members.

“That photo was taken at my inception ceremony.”

“What’s an inception ceremony?”

Bleu takes the bottle from me and pierces the foil label with the corkscrew. “My official induction into The Fellowship. A very formal affair. They’re usually not—because it’s typically a brother taking responsibility for another man—but mine was elaborate like a wedding reception. Isobel was determined to go all-out. She wanted Sin and I to end up together.”

“It’s just a reception?”

“No. It’s far more than that.”

Bleu fills both glasses with wine and then holds up her hand. “Sin dragged a dagger across my palm. The bastard gave me zero warning he was about to cut me.” She giggles as she traces the scar with her finger. “He pierced his own hand, and we laced our fingers together while we bled. He took an oath to accept responsibility for me while I vowed to never betray the secrets of the brotherhood. I gotta tell ya. It was hot as hell. There was definitely some sexy time after that.”

More Fellowship weirdness. “Getting cut with a dagger doesn’t sound hot or sexy to me.”

My sister grins behind her wine glass. “Trust me. It is, and you’ll think so too when you and Jamie bleed together while you say your Fellowship vows.”

Bleu keeps saying we’re going to end up together but she’s wrong. “Not gonna happen, sis.”

“You just think that. He’s going to come around. I mean, hell, he’s building this infirmary so you can live together.”

“He’s doing it because he wants to fuck.”

“I’m sure he does.”

“I’m not saying that in general. He asked me to be his nurse. Live there with him. Share his bed—in secret . . . until I’m claimed by another man.” It sounds so much worse when I say it aloud.

Bleu laughs. “I knew it. I told Sin that Jamie was up to something besides building an infirmary.”

“It’s not funny. This is my life.” I pick up a pillow from the sofa and throw it at my sister’s head. “I love him, and he wants me to be his whore until my husband comes forward to claim me. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“Oh, Elli. You’re being a little dramatic, don’t you think?”

How can she ask me that? “No. I don’t think I’m being dramatic at all, considering the circumstances.”

“Stop and think. See this for what it truly is.”

I’d love for Bleu to explain what she sees because from where I sit I only see it as me being with the man I love for a month and then letting him go forever. “A disaster waiting to happen. That’s what I see.”

“Dear sister. Jamie may say—and even believe—this relationship will only last for a month, but there’s no way he’s going to let another man have you after you’ve spent this time together. I don’t care what rationale he gives you as an excuse for not claiming you. Won’t happen. Hide and watch if you don’t believe me.”

I wish Bleu is right but she wasn’t there when Jamie pleaded his case for why he won’t claim me. “I don’t think so. He’s very adamant about it.”

“Siiin,” Bleu calls out.

“Shit. Sin’s here?”

“Yeah. In his office.”

“I figured he was out.” Jamie said he had to tend to Fellowship business tonight so I figured Sin did as well. I definitely wouldn’t have spoken about the proposal had I known my brother-in-law was home to overhear our conversation.

This could be a problem between the two of them. “Jamie hasn’t confided in Sin about this. In fact, he said he was going to have to do backtracking with him over the girl in nursing school if I didn’t agree to join him as his nurse.”

“Duh. Sin isn’t stupid and neither am I. We don’t have to be told what this is really all about.”

Sin comes into the living room and chuckles when he sees me. Glad to see my life amuses him too. “I was about to ask what you needed, but I’m pretty certain I know.”

“Tell my sister about Jamie’s real motive behind the infirmary.”

“To draw you close before you become Fellowship so he can test his capability to protect you.” His voice is so matter-of-fact as though this is common knowledge.

“He told you that?”

Sin grins. “Hell, no. What he said was one thing but what I heard was something entirely different.” He points to his ear. “Learn to listen closely and you can hear a lot of unspoken words.”

“What unspoken words did you hear?”

“Jamie is very black and white. He needs evidence and proof. Been that way since we were kids. With you, he questions his ability to protect you in the capacity you’ll need. He’s afraid to commit; it’s your safety at risk. He’s doing this to convince himself of his competency. You and your safety will always be his number-one concern. He will put you ahead of his own needs and wants. Never question that.”

I’ve never questioned Jamie’s concern for my safety. He’s been very clear about that from the start.

“This living at the infirmary with him idea came about so he could evaluate his ability to take care of you. If he’s satisfied by the way things go, he will ask to claim you and become your husband.”

Sin has known Jamie his entire life but that doesn’t mean he’s right about this.

I wish I understood more about what pivots the gears of the male psyche within The Fellowship. Everything about their thought process in regards to females is primitive. Outdated. Archaic. They’re blatantly se

xist. And while it pisses me off, there’s something so very attractive about their drive to protect their women.

“Listen, Ellison. Jamie is a fucking genius, but I don’t think he realizes what he’s doing. It’s a subconscious choice. But he’ll see what needs to happen by the end of this trial living arrangement. I guarantee that you’re his wife within three months. Maybe two.”

It feels like a huge gamble with my heart. But if it pans out, I get the man I love.

“I’m going to agree to do it.”

But not before I make him sweat it out a little.

Or a lot.

Ani unlocks the front door of the first property she’ll be showing us and leads the way. “When is the wedding?”

Ellison looks at me and then back at Ani, a huge wrinkle forming across her brow. “I’m sorry?”

Sinclair told Ani that Ellison and I were getting married and needed a place to live ASAP. Not exactly an option to tell her we’re searching for a property to convert into an infirmary where I can treat medical conditions deemed reportable to the authorities.

“The wedding is in two weeks but my flat’s lease is up on Friday. Mac moved here with her parents several years ago and still lives at home with her mum and dad.”

Ellison grins. “My mom and dad said we could live with them until we find something but Doc insists we get our own place.”

Mac and Doc. Sounds good together. Realistic.

“Wise choice. Newlyweds don’t need to be under the same roof as parents. I know a lot of people do it, but it’s not healthy for the marriage if you ask me.”

I put my arm around Ellison and pull her close to kiss the side of her face. “We’d love to find a house today—definitely something turnkey—so we can move in immediately.”

“Sinclair said the house would be paid for in full, so I don’t think it will be a problem getting you into something quickly.”

I reach for Ellison’s hand and lace my fingers through hers as Ani begins her spiel about the house. I don’t mind holding Ellison’s hand and playing the part of her fiancé at all. It’s actually sort of nice. I just wish it could be real.