I open my mouth, but words won't find the way to my tongue. I can't explain my feelings for him. Or his feelings for me.
I've never felt like I belonged anywhere.
But right now, I'm sure I'm where I belong.
"Thank you." It's all I can manage.
"Hey. You're the one who bought me this incredibly phallic source of power." He motions to his wand. "If I want to make magic, I have to grab my stick and recite the proper words."
"Joel…" I can't exactly protest. He's dead on about the wands being phallic. "You're ridiculous."
"You love it."
"I do." And I might even love him. But I'm not ready to face that possibility yet. Not with everything else hanging over my head. "Tomorrow is our appointment."
He nods. "It is."
"Are you thinking… what are you thinking?"
He says nothing.
Shit.
My need to fill the silence catches up with me. "I have to talk to my dad soon. Whatever happens tomorrow, I have to tell him about law school." And I have to hold strong. The telling him is the easy part compared to the not crumbling under the weight of his disapproval part.
"You're making leaving school official?"
"I think so. After I tell Dad." I swallow hard.
"You can do it." He rubs the space between my thumb and forefinger with his thumb.
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. Already, the joy of the day is fading. Clouds are forming over my head. It's getting cold in here.
The scenery is getting ugly.
Joel's voice is calm, even. "Say it again."
"Which part?"
"That you don't want to be a lawyer."
My shoulders tense up. I have to force the words off my lips. "I don't want to be a lawyer."
"Again."
This time, it's a little easier. "I don't want to be a lawyer." My exhale breaks up the tension forming in my upper back. "I don't want to go back to law school."
"What do you want?" Joel squeezes my hand. "Besides my wand?"
"Ew."
"Baby, you want my wand so bad you're panting."
Maybe. I shake my head. "Wand is not a sexy euphemism."
"But this is the most powerful wand of all time."
I have to laugh. There's something about Joel. He's derailing me with sex, sure, but it's what I need right now.