What I saw took my breath away. I felt dizzy and my eyes blurred with tears as they fell down my cheeks in a never ending flow.
My mommy’s head had rolled toward me and her face was covered in blood. Her eyes were open and staring directly at me. But instead of seeing the warm, sweet, and loving gaze that she always gave me, her bluish-steel colored eyes were lifeless.
My heart pounded. No. No. No. No.
My mommy. This couldn’t be happening.
Mommy.
Mommy.
I wanted to scream. But nothing came out.
My lips parted and a silent scream came out. I gasped and shook violently. Holding my knees close together, I buried my face in them again, crying silently.
As I cried, I thought about how I never got a chance to say ‘I love you’ back.
I fell down on my knees. The memories played over and over again in my head. I was suffocating and I brought my hands up to my throat, rubbing up and down forcefully.
My stomach cramped as I gasped for air. The pressure in my heart was painful. My lungs squeezed tightly together and I pressed a hand to my burning chest, trying hard to alleviate the pain. But nothing worked.
It never worked.
My pain was constant.
I had lived with it for twenty-two years. I should have been accustomed to it by now, but every time, it was worse. The pain never ceased. I was chained to my past.
Holding the side of the piano, I laid my head on it as the tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop them. They fell freely and I squeezed my burning eyes tightly.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. So sorry,” I whispered through a broken voice.
Chapter 26
Ayla
Maddie squealed beside me. “Oh my God! This is hilarious!” She turned toward me, still chuckling. “You have to admit, this one was pretty funny.”
I shrugged and turned back toward the movie. We were watching Hangover 2. It was too vulgar for my taste.
Although I did find my stomach cramping from laughter when a man found out he had sex with another man whom he thought was a woman. I shivered when the truth was revealed. Too much nudity.
Maddie eventually paused the movie and turned toward me.
“Okay. What do you want to watch? You clearly aren’t enjoying this. C’mon, pick something funny and we will watch it,” she suggested.
Since my nightmare last night and my encounter with Alessio this morning, I had been a little down and quiet. I was constantly living in fear.
Maddie noticed and she made it her job to make my day brighter. She succeeded a couple of times. It was hard not to laugh at her enthusiasms and failed attempts. She embarrassed herself to make me laugh. And I was thankful for that.
“It’s pretty late,” I started and then smiled. “I think we should go to bed. I’m worn out.”
Maddie pouted and leaned against the arm of the couch. “But I barely even got you to laugh.”
“And that’s where you are wrong. You made me laugh at least five times and that’s amazing in my book. You made my day better, Maddie,” I said softly. Placing my hand on her knee, I gave it a squeeze.
“Are you going to talk to me?” she replied, her tone just as soft and inviting.
I wanted to. I wanted to tell her. It was tempting, but the fear instilled in me, it stopped me from taking a step toward that direction.
So, I shook my head sadly before looking down. “It’s okay,” Maddie murmured before wrapping her arms around me. “You can tell me when you are ready.”
Hugging her back, I nodded and then leaned back. She smiled and I felt my lips stretch into another smile.
We got up and made our way to the kitchen. Turning on the lights, she rummaged through the refrigerator and took out the poutine that Lena made for dessert.
“You want some?” Maddie asked as she closed the refrigerator.
I shook my head and she shrugged. Putting a spoonful in her mouth, she mumbled, “Let’s go.”
Maddie and I were about to say goodnight when we heard a door open. We both swiveled around and saw Alessio coming out of the gym.
My eyes widened and my body froze when he approached into the light.
Alessio wasn’t wearing his full suit. Instead he had his black linen shirt on, which was halfway unbuttoned and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. But that wasn’t what surprised me.
He was a mess. A bloody mess. There were cuts on his face and his cheeks were swollen. His left eye was slightly swollen too and his lips were bleeding. He was limping, his body sagging forward.
“Oh my God,” Maddie gasped.
He looked lost, deep in thoughts. He held on to the banister and slowly made his way upstairs, his legs dragging. Pain was evident on his face and in his posture.