Ryan. Ryan only existed in his head now. He didn’t have him to laugh and joke with, to ask advice, to lend a sympathetic ear. And Abby was the person who would naturally fill that role for him now. She was the person who knew him best. So why couldn’t he talk to her about this? Why couldn’t he make her understand?
She looked so lost. And alone. Alone, with the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Noise surrounded them. A siren, approaching fast. He watched as a police car pulled up at the entrance, closely followed by a procession of sleek black cars. He jumped up and ran over to the police chief. ‘Is something wrong?’
The police chief took a second to give his badge a cursory glance, before watching as an array of men in black exited the cars. James Turner strode through the main entrance, his hand outstretched towards the chief.
‘Thanks for coming.’
Luke looked from one to the other. ‘What on earth is going on?’
James Turner raised his eyebrow. ‘Word’s got out about the First Lady. We’re just about to turn this into a no-fly zone. Our plans have changed. We need to resecure this area.’
‘What does that mean?’
The police chief shook his head. ‘Before, no one knew the First Lady was here. Now the media have hired every move-able object in the area and are trying to reach the hospital. The President’s here, so the whole area above Pelican Cove needs to be declared a no-fly zone for security reasons. It’s going to be chaos around here. And now we have a baby to protect too.’
Luke took a deep breath. This was the last thing they needed. He glanced over his shoulder towards Abby. She’d heard every word.
‘I’ll try and clear the ER.’ She headed back inside. Their conversation was clearly over.
She strode away from him and Luke watched as the crumpled hospital appointment rolled across the ground at her feet, like a tumbleweed ball across a desert.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ABBY bent down and zipped up Reuben’s red raincoat. ‘Ready, honey?’
He shook his blond head and glared at her with his pale blue eyes. ‘Don’t want to go,’ he said stubbornly.
She knew exactly how he felt. She lifted her hand and traced her finger down his cheek. ‘I don’t want to go either, honey, but we have to. We have to find out if you need more special medicine.’
‘I don’t need any special medicine.’ He raised his arms to show her his muscles, hidden under layers of clothes. ‘Look, Mommy, I’m strong, I don’t need any.’
Abby smiled at his bravado. Reuben wasn’t a child who screamed and shouted and had temper tantrums. He liked to argue his case with her. See if he could win her round. But he could never win this argument.
This morning she could see just how pale he was. He had hardly eaten any dinner last night—even though she’d made his favourite—and even though she’d tried to tempt him with an early breakfast this morning, it had been a washout. She could tell right now that he was still tired and he would probably fall asleep in the car on the way to San Francisco.
She put her hands around him and pulled him up into her arms. ‘I know you’re strong, Reuben. I think you’re the strongest boy in the world. And do you know what? When we finish up at the hospital today, I’m going to take you to the big toy shop and you can pick another wrestler for your ring. How’s that?’
‘How many?’ The immediate distraction worked. Four-year-olds knew exactly where their priorities lay.
Abby wrinkled her nose as she lifted her bag and pulled the front door open. ‘Maybe one, no … maybe two, or … if you’re extra good,’ she whispered in his ear, ‘maybe three!’
‘Whoopee!’ Reuben flung his hands in the air and laughed. ‘Three new wrestlers!’
She caught a glimpse of a shape. A dark figure on her front steps that leapt to his feet as they came through the door. She stopped short. Luke.
‘What are you doing here?’
He hadn’t stayed there last night and she’d no idea where he’d been. How long had he been sitting there?
‘Waiting for you.’
‘Hi, Luke. Mommy’s going to buy me some new wrestlers today. Wanna come?’
Abby glanced at her watch. She had plenty of time to spare, but she didn’t want to spend it on this. ‘I can’t deal with you today, Luke.’ She pushed past him towards her car, pressing the button to open the doors.
His hand closed over hers, releasing the key from her grasp. ‘I’m not here to fight with you, but I am coming with you. Let me drive.’
‘In that?’ She pointed towards her Mini, her eyes running up and down his tall frame. ‘You won’t even fit.’
He eyed the car carefully and gave a slow nod. ‘I’ll get in there if I have to bend myself double.’ He pulled open the nearest door. ‘Why don’t you sit in the back with Reuben? Let me take the stress of the drive. San Francisco can be pretty hairy at this time of day.’
She bit her lip. She hated driving to San Francisco. She hated driving full stop. That was part of the reason she loved Pelican Cove so much, she hardly had to use her car at all.
He lowered his voice. ‘I’m not going to let you go alone, Abby. I’m not going to let you go through this yourself today. You don’t have to. I want to be here. Let me help you.’ His eyes were fixed on hers with an air of determination she’d never seen before. She could spend the next hour arguing with him and still wouldn’t win, and somehow she didn’t want to. She really didn’t want to spend the day alone in the hospital, waiting to hear the news that she dreaded.
‘C’mon, Mommy. Let’s go get the wrestlers.’ Reuben shifted in her arms, causing her to snap to attention.
‘Will we let Luke come with us?’ she asked him.
‘Is he going to buy me a wrestler too?’
She laughed. Life was so simple when you were four years old. ‘Okay, then, you can come.’ She held Luke’s gaze for a second. ‘But don’t make this any harder for me.’
‘I won’t, I promise.’ He nodded solemnly before she finally turned and loaded Reuben into the car seat, strapping him in place before joining him in the back seat. Luke folded himself into her tiny car, pushing the seat back against her legs, before starting the engine and heading down the cliff-side road towards th
e city.
Within ten minutes Reuben was sleeping—just like she’d predicted. Another sign. That was three this morning. He was pale, tired and he’d lost his appetite. None of this was good.
Things weren’t meant to work out like this. She’d been so hopeful. After all, the majority of kids with ALL now had good outcomes. Was she going to have one of the unfortunate few?
He was in his third phase of treatment. He’d had the awful induction therapy to kill all the affected cells, then he’d had his consolidation therapy to kill any remaining cells that could grow again and cause a relapse. Now he was in the maintenance phase. Maintenance that for Reuben obviously hadn’t worked. She was going to have to go through all this again. Weeks of sickness, weeks of avoiding infection, weeks of a little boy who was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. Weeks of finding him something, anything, that he might be able to stomach and keep down. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d bundled him up in the car and left the house in the dead of night in search of some type of popsicle or chocolate bar that he’d decided he could eat.
She turned and looked out of the window as the perfect ocean views of Pelican Cove drifted past. The crashing waves, rugged coastline and lush green hills. She’d wanted the perfect life here. She’d wanted to bring her child up here—but was this the place her child could die?
The thought sent an involuntary shudder down her spine and she could feel the rise of bile in the back of her throat. Where did these thoughts come from? How did they get inside her mind? Inside her dreams? Last night had been a repeat of the little white coffin, being lowered into the ground. But last night’s dream had changed. This time Luke had been standing next to her, his arms wrapped around her shoulders.
Was it a prediction? Was she seeing the future? Because this wasn’t the future she wanted. She couldn’t even contemplate a future like that.
Another thought played across her mind. If something happened to Reuben, would she even want to be here any more? Their lives were so entrenched, so intermingled, she couldn’t imagine living without him. Someone had once told her that parents shouldn’t outlive their children. She hadn’t understood the significance of the words at the time. But now she did. She wouldn’t want to be here without him. She couldn’t be here without him. How could she stay in her aunt’s house without every thought being of him? It was a happy home and should be filled with a happy family.