“Dude, I had no idea y’all were together. ” He held up his hands in defense.
When Josh looked at me again, I could see the tears in his eyes.
Without even looking away from me, he answered Jerry.
“We’re not together. ”
Then, I lost it and started crying.
“Josh, I don’t even remember anything. ” I went to stand up and walk closer to him.
He took a step back with the strangest look on his face.
“What?” It looked like his legs were about to give out, and he grabbed onto a chair. “How could you do this, Heather? I thought you were different. I didn’t sleep with Lynda because I love. I was coming over here to tell you that I’d wait for you forever if I had to. Then, I find out that you…. ”
“Josh, please no. . . don’t say it,” I said between sobs. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. The hurt in his eyes was killing me.
Josh turned to Jerry. “Did you at least know she was a virgin?”
Jerry shook his head, “Not until after. I would never have done that if I’d known. Listen, we both got really drunk last night, and. ”
Josh held up his hand to stop Jerry from talking.
“You wanted to push me away, Heather…well, I think you finally did it. ” Josh turned and started to walk toward the door.
My heart was racing and my head was pounding, but I went after him.
“Josh, please. You have to understand that I never intended for anything like this to happen. I was upset when Lynda said y’all were about to have a good time, and I just wanted to forget it all. I wanted it to be you! You have to believe me! I wanted it to be you!” I grabbed his arm.
He stopped and turned to look at me. With his thumb, he wiped away the tears that were rolling down my face.
Josh closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them. The moment I saw a tear slide down his face, I died inside.
“You know what’s funny, Heather? You were so worried that I was the one who wouldn’t be faithful. I would have given up everything for you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to make it so damn special for you and to make you happy for the rest of your life. ”
“Oh god, please, Josh… please. ” I started to shake my head.
He took a few steps away from me.
“I guess you got what you wanted, princess. You’ve lost me for good. ”
I cried harder as I reached out for him, but he turned and walked out the door. I called out after him, but he just kept walking. I slowly started to sink down to the floor.
“You’ve lost me for good. ”
No! Oh god, he left. . . just like my parents did.
I just
sat there, rocking back and forth, as I kept calling out his name over and over again. Jerry walked up behind me and placed his hands on my arms to help me up. When I turned around, I fell into his arms, telling him how sorry I was.
“Come on, babe. Let’s get you dressed and put something in your stomach. It’s going to be okay, Heather. It’s going to be okay. ”
I wanted to believe him, but I had a feeling nothing would ever be the same.
It would never be okay because I lost him.
The only man I would ever love-I lost him.