CHAPTER FORTY
JEFF
I was walking up from the barn when I saw Ari sitting on the porch.
The last three months had been hell for both of us. Although her parents had disapproved, Ari had decided not to go back to Austin for school this semester. Instead, She was taking a few online classes with Ellie.
I had only talked to Rebecca once, and she begged for forgiveness. She had called a few more times, but each time, I’d ignored it. One more than one occasion, Ari had just about wanted to drive to Austin just to kick her ass.
I heard the thunder rumbling in the distance, and I smiled, remembering how much Ari loved thunder-storms.
If only I could get that Ari back. . .
Last night, I’d called Ellie, and I’d told her that I thought Ari could really use a girls’ trip into Austin today. She agreed.
As I walked closer to Ari, I could tell she’d been crying. Fuck.
“Hey, baby, have you been up for very long?” I asked as I stepped up onto the porch.
She didn’t even look up at me. She was growing more distant as the days went on. It had been three months since she’d lost the baby, and now, she wouldn’t even let me touch her.
I sat down next to her while it started to rain. She put her head back on the swing and let out a sigh.
“Ari, we really need to talk, baby. I can’t keep going on like nothing is wrong. You’re drifting further and further away from me. I need you back. ”
She lifted her head and glared at me. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you walked out on me. ”
I felt like I was going to be sick. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that I’m sorry, Ari. I’m sorry for making the biggest mistake of my life. If I could take it back, I would. You don’t think I beat myself up every morning and every night? If I could go back and redo it, I would. I’d do anything to make you happy. ”
She stood up and walked over to the railing. “I want to be alone for a while. ”
“No. ”
She spun around and stared at me. “What?”
“I said no, Ari. I’m tired of you pushing me away and not talking to me. I don’t even remember the last time you let me hold you or just touch you. ”
“I don’t want to talk about it with you. ”
“Bullshit. You won’t talk to anyone about it, not even your mother, Grace, or even Ellie. Everyone is so worried about you. This has to stop, Ari. We got the go ahead last month, baby, if you want to try for another baby…. ”
“No! Just please stop talking. ” Ari stepped off the porch into the rain.
“Where the hell are you going?” I said walking after her.
“I want to be alone, Jeff. That means without you! Please just go back to the house. I’m going to the barn. ”
I followed her toward the barn.
She turned and looked at me.
“You’re such a fucking dickwad! Why can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want to be near you, I don’t want you to touch me, and I don’t want you to make love to me. I don’t want you. Holy hell, how many times do I have to say it?”
It was now pouring rain, and I was shaking from head to toe. I knew she didn’t mean what she was saying; the counselor we had gone to had told me that this might happen. I’d kept doing what the counselor said. I’d given Ari the space and time she’d needed, but now, I was done with this bullshit. I wanted my girl back. I wanted the life we were supposed to have-fuck, the life we deserved to have- back.
When I started to walk toward her, she turned away from me to run toward the barn. I took off after her and grabbed her. She started to scream for me to let her go while she fought me with every ounce of energy she had. I wouldn’t let her go. I just held on to her while she hit me with as much force as she could.
Then, she started to cry.