Innocence

A few people stopped Jaxson or me as we left because of his connections in the horse world. There were a few who expressed interest in attending the McCole Classic. Underneath the calm friendly exterior, I knew Jaxson was boiling from what happened earlier with Charles with his barely contained restraint.

A chill ran up my spine as I felt an unwanted stare. My eyes caught Charles’ pleading ones while he stood next to Rachel while she was otherwise engaged with her parents. How could you not give me a chance to escape the hell I found myself in? The words from the hallway echoed back in my mind.

Hell? What kind of hell had he found himself in?

The elevator dinged with its arrival and we stepped into the mirrored walls, all watching me which left me feeling on edge as if the stalker was monitoring my every move.

What was Charles saying? Was it in reference to Rachel? Running for office? Leaving Me?

Would it have mattered?

I looked up at Jaxson as he stared ahead. No, nothing would have changed. Jaxson was who I was meant to be with. Nothing stirred within me while I was in Charles’ arms. Even now with only Jaxson’s arm wrapped around me, the energy was felt at every connecting point. More than I ever felt with Charles.

“What are you thinking about?”

The elevator opened and we stepped into the ecru with gold trim corridor. “Just something Charles said. How could I not give him a chance to escape the hell he found himself in?”

The card reader to our door made a beeping sound as it granted us access. As soon as the door closed, Jaxson turned to face me. “So, is this your subtle way of saying you made a mistake?”

Fury erupted to the surface that I pent up downstairs. Some of it was misplaced, but this hurt. I pointed at Jaxson and took a step forward. “Don’t take this out on me! Have I ever once given you the impression I thought I made a mistake? I’m not like that! It hurts you don’t know me better since I’m your wife and think of Ty as mine!”

Tears threatened to spill over. Jaxson was shocked at my outburst. Momentarily stunned. Turning on my heel, I headed to our bathroom and locked the door behind me. The hurt was deep as my heart felt like it was breaking in two.

Marriage was trust.

Marriage was love.

Marriage was forever.

I slid down the wall as the tears tracked down my face. The handle on the door moved. With the lock engaged, Jaxson was kept out. I needed a minute to collect my thoughts before more hurtful words were spoken.

One thing I learned from Mom, “Words can never be unheard, London. Make sure you mean everything you say.”

“London, open up.” The muffled voice came through the door.

My eyes closed shut. “Not right now.” The tremble in my voice was evident.

The door rattled again while Jaxson pleaded once more. My silence I’m sure spoke volumes as I lost myself in my thoughts.

How long had Jaxson doubted my feelings for him? I took my wedding vows seriously. Maybe we rushed into this? Even as I tried to believe we had, I knew I hadn’t.

But was Jaxson rushed?

A hand touched my face and I jumped. Jaxson dropped the door key which was probably hidden above the doorframe. “Sweetheart, I’m so fucking sorry. I was so wrapped up in that asshole, I wasn’t seeing reason. He had his hands on you and it took everything I had not to hurt him.” Hands cradled my cheeks. “I know you, London. I know you would never make a lifelong commitment without being sure. Charles may have known you longer, but I know your heart. I have it forever.”

I nodded as more tears fell. “The hell Charles referenced may give us more information as to what happened. That was why I was thinking about it. I may not love Charles, Jaxson, but if he’s in trouble I want to help.”

Jaxson swallowed hard and brought me into his lap. “If he was coerced to leave you because of someone’s agenda—”

I put my hands to his lips. “Jaxson, it wouldn’t change my feelings for you. My life is with you and Ty. Not Charles. But as a human being, I feel compassion for someone I once shared a relationship with. That’s all.”

Lips pressed against mine. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions.”

Nestling into him, his thrumming heartbeat centered me. “Jaxson, talk to me first next time. I’ll never lie to you. I promise.”

“Never again.” In one fluid movement, Jaxson stood with me in his arms. “I’m going to make love to my wife all night long. You’ll never doubt how much I love you, London. Never again.”

NEARLY HOME, I GAZED OUT at the mountains still thinking about this morning after breakfast. With Jaxson on the phone since we landed regarding the upcoming McCole Classic, I recounted this morning’s events. Would we ever have answers?