“Evie—”
“No, do not speak my name,” she whispered, lifting her gaze to his. “How utterly foolish of me to want your tender regards when you believe me to be vain, shallow, pretentious, and indifferent to the pain of others. I would never want to marry a man who had so little regard for my character and honor. How utterly misguided of me to have loved you so desperately for six years, waiting in half agony and half hope that one day you might admire and desire me as ardently as I do you!”
“Evie—”
“No! How dare you judge me by your ridiculously exacting standards. How dare you assume everyone in our society is heartless and preys on the weak. Ignorance does not mean indifference. Being privileged and wealthy does not guarantee heartlessness. You judge our society harshly and me along with it, without truly considering my heart and character. If you were half the honorable man I thought you were, you would see you are not the only one who cares, who fights, and who bleeds for those less fortunate! If you ever possessed any affections for me, you could not believe me to be so puffed up with vanity for myself and higher circumstances.”
Her voice was disparaging, and she did not care to temper her words. She jabbed a finger at his chest. “I would never hurt Emily or the children to please anyone, and for you…for you to believe such of me…to believe I am that disgusting in character and still touch me with such passion—you are cruel,” she whispered, uncaring that tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks. “How did I ever have the misfortune to think I wanted to marry you?”
His gaze hooded. “Many ladies confuse their first taste of passion with love. I’ve experienced it enough times. The love and need you feel will fade in a few days. Only a couple weeks ago, you wanted lessons in seduction to trap another into marriage.”
“You insufferable idiot. You were the man I wanted to entice into my arms. It has always been you. Every suitor I’ve discouraged was because you stole my reasoning and my heart years ago.”
He jerked as if she had punched him.
“I would not marry you now even if you fell onto your knees in a crowded ballroom and asked. I’ve loved you…” Her voice broke. “I loved you when the world called you a heartless knave, a libertine, for I had trust in your honor. I adored you, even more, when you claimed your Emily and suffered being shunned for it.” She leaned forward and touched his scar fleetingly. “I loved you at all times. I have been slow to step from the golden world I was born into, to see the pain and suffering, but never did I revile you for seeing it before me…yet while knowing my true heart for all these years, you believe me to be such a wretched friend. You have broken my trust…you’ve broken me. I never want to see you again.”
Evie pushed from the carriage, impervious to the rain that sleeted from the sky. A sob tore from her throat, and she walked away from the broken-down equipage, uncaring of where she traveled, uncaring of the cold. She had wagered everything for him, her heart, her reputation, her virtue, and she had failed.
She had risked it because she had believed in the admiration she thought he had for her, she had trusted in the desire in his touch and his kisses, she had believed it meant everything, when in truth, it was of little consequence to him. Yet, nothing could overshadow the pain that he would think so little of her character.
I do not trust nor love.
Wrapping her arms around her middle and hunching her shoulders against the rain, she hurried away aimlessly. If only she could outrun the tearing pain and disappointment. Evie pressed her hand to her mouth to cover a sob. How truly dispossessed of sense she had been. How could I have been so foolishly naive? Several minutes rushed by before she faltered. She hated to return in his direction and the hovering scandal. A violent shiver worked itself through her body. It took her a few moments to realize she was surrounded by utter darkness, and a voice was yelling her name somewhere in the distance.
Another shiver worked through her, and an unexpected sneeze escaped her.
“Evie!”
She moved toward the voice, desperate to leave the cold, the fear, and the uncertainty drowning her. The sky opened more, and the deluge came harder. Her coat was heavy from being waterlogged, her bonnet and hair soaked.
“Evie!”
She wanted to ignore his call, hating the pain tearing through her heart, hating that he’d rushed after her when she wanted to be away from him. Her head pounded, her limbs ached, and the shivers would not cease. “Richard,” she tried to yell, but her voice came out a mere croak.
Somehow, he found her through the sheet of rain, grabbed her, and swung her into his arms.
I’m so cold…
Strong arms held her in a protective, gentle embrace, so at odds with the furious pounding coming from the chest her head was pressed against.
“God’s blood, Evie, what were you thinking, dashing off in the rain like this?” The whisper was harsh, yet filled with such concern. She wanted to stir and reassure him she would be well.
He moved with her with such strength, almost running as if her weight was negligible. She drifted, her mind desperate to succumb to the darkness tugging at her so insistently, but the chill piercing he
r bones would not allow her to retreat.
Voices echoed around her, a horse neighed, and then Richard’s voice was issuing sharp commands.
“Upon my word! Is that Lady Evelyn?”
“This is beyond the pale, why do you have her out here, you blackguard?” another male voice demanded.
There were several gasps and murmurs, and then she was bundled into a coat that smelled like him. Instantly she hated the scent, and a harsh sob tore from her throat. She tried to push the coat from her, not wanting anything to remind her of him, yet his scent was the only solace she could find.
“No,” she murmured weakly.
“You need to keep warm, my dear,” a lady’s voice soothed. “What happened, why were you out in this ghastly weather?”