I groaned to myself and felt sick that I was having doubts. I didn’t doubt Alec, I was just doubting how fast we were moving with our relationship. I knew him all of two weeks before we said I love you and got engaged. It wasn't even a whirlwind, love at first sight kind of romance either. I actually couldn't stand Alec when I met him, but I warmed up to him when he came to the Bahamas as a favour to me. His experience as an ex-escort served me well in the Bahamas, but it was also the cause for the heartbreak I felt after escaping the Bahamas.
Alec's past 'clients' caught up with him, and revealed some very... sickening information. It turned out a previous lover of Alec's was my uncle Brandon's wife, Everly, my cousin Micah's stepmother. That's not all, as if that knowledge wasn't migraine inducing enough, I found out my uncle had a shady side to him, a dirty and illegal side to him. I loved my uncle Brandon, God knows I did, but ever since learning his true colours back in the Bahamas, and watching men die in Darkness by his orders, I felt somewhat disconnected from him.
I felt like everything I thought I knew about him was a lie, that my life was a lie. Being in a brand new, fast paced relationship with Alec took up my time and thoughts, but now, thirteen months later, we were out of the 'honeymoon' stage of our relationship and I wasn't as wrapped up in him anymore.
I loved him dearly, but he wasn't acting as my shield to reality anymore. Everything that happened to me, to us, over a year ago was starting to stomp its way back into my mind, and it was starting to bother me. I would have nightmares of vile things I witnessed in Darkness, the dreaded club my uncle owned, a place I was taken to against my will by an old boss turned enemy of Alec and his brothers.
I would also have flashbacks of Alec and two people doing things that churned my stomach and hurt my heart with one single thought. I forgave Alec for that... situation. I understood that he had no other choice, and that he had to do something so gut wrenching so it would break us and force me away from him. My uncle ordered Alec to engage in sexual intercourse with his wife, and his new employee, Dante—an escort.
My uncle wanted me to have zero connections to any of the Slater brothers, especially Alec. By this time though, I was having strong feelings for Alec and wouldn't allow anyone to tell me that I couldn't have him. My defiance pushed my uncle's hand. He forced Alec to end things with me by threatening to harm his brothers and their girlfriends if Alec didn't do what he was told to do. Simply breaking up with me wasn't enough though—no, my uncle wanted me to hate Alec and he succeeded. For days after I left the Bahamas I hated Alec. I hated him for tricking me into falling for him. I hated him for breaking my heart. I hated him for a lot of reasons, but I mainly hated him for making me miss him.
God, I missed him so much that it hurt.
I was terrified about how intense my feelings were for someone who I barely knew, but I couldn't switch them off. Believe me, I tried. I didn't know it at the time, but I loved Alec, and I had to endure loving him and hating him at the same time. When Alec's old boss, Marco, came to seek revenge on Alec I was in the way so he kidnapped me along with Alec and Bronagh, Nico's girlfriend, who were in my apartment at the time. Long story short, Alec's brothers along with my uncle Brandon, saved us. Marco and his men died, and we were free to go home.
The problem is, now that I could see past Alec and his wonderful reality shield again, I didn't feel so free. I didn't feel trapped either, I just felt... restricted. I didn't know why I felt that way because Alec was my everything. I wanted to be with him... I just didn't want to rush things and inadvertently ruin things. We jumped headfirst into our relationship, and I felt like we needed to slow way down, but I was terrified to tell Alec any of this because I knew how it would sound.
It would sound like I wasn't certain about us anymore.
I sighed and shook my head clear of my thoughts, and like many times before, I forced them to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand.
Packing.
A lot of packing.
“Damn it,” I grumbled.
I placed my hands on my hips and shook my head.
This wasn't a one-woman job.
I walked into my sitting room and picked up my phone from the coffee table. I tapped on the screen of my phone, unlocked it, then scrolled through my contacts till I found the person I wanted to call.
I pressed my phone to my ear and after three rings the phone picked up. I glanced around my apartment once more and said, “It's me. I need your help.”
“Hello? Royalty is in the house!”
I rolled my eyes and turned my head to my apartment door. “Close the door before Mr. Pervert comes out to see what all the racket is.”
Aideen Collins, my best friend, rolled her hazel eyes and kicked my apartment door shut.
I hissed. “No damages. I won't get me deposit back from the landlord otherwise.”
Aideen snorted as she dropped her bag and keys on my kitchen table and walked into my sitting room. “Please, money is the last thing you need to worry about. You're loaded.”
I wasn't loaded with money—Alec was.
“I'm broke, Alec is not. Learn the difference.”
Aideen grinned. “Alec would give you whatever you wanted, you know that. Money isn't an issue with him.”