“I don't need or want his money, and it will be an issue if one of us doesn't earn a steady income. Sure, Alec has a lot of money in the bank, but it won't last forever. Not with the way he spends it anyway.”
Aideen chuckled, “I don't think an SUV and a house will break his bank account.”
I shook my head. “The house was three hundred and twenty thousand outright, and the only reason we got it at that price was because the buyers wanted a quick sale. Then there was his SUV that was thirty thousand... altogether that's a lot of bloody money.”
I didn't think I would ever get my head around the fact that my partner was rich. I was used to minimum wage, and surviving on noodles when I didn't get enough weekly hours at my old job. I wasn't used to being able to buy whatever I wanted without thinking of the financial consequences.
I used to work at my local supermarket, but when all the bullshit happened last year I missed too many days without a viable excuse and I got fired. I hated my job, but it paid the rent. I know I didn't have to worry about paying rent now that Alec bought us a house, even if he did put my name on the deed too. I still wanted to earn my own income. I didn't want to rely on him for my finances.
Hopefully my writing would become more than a passion and turn into a full-time job. God knows I needed it.
“Did you tell him how you feel about him spendin' so much money?” Aideen asked as she sat on my sofa, behind me.
I turned to face her. “No.” I frowned. “It's his money, I can't tell him what to do with it.”
Aideen nodded in understanding. “I think you should ease him into the conversation. Just explain what life was like before he came along. Your uncle is loaded, and so is your ma, and you wouldn't take a penny from either of them. He can't expect it to be different with him just because you're both together.”
You would be surprised.
“He thinks a lot of things now that we're together... He went out and bought us a house without me knowledge and he thought that was a good idea. He isn't aware of things right in front of him.”
“You don't want to move out?” Aideen asked, her eyes wide.
I didn't know how to respond so I dodged the question and said, “He never even asked me, he just went out and bought the bloody thing. We're perfectly fine here. I don't see why he wants to keep changin' things when I'm still gettin' used to him being in me life.”
Aideen was silent for a few moments before she said, “You have got to tell him how you feel, Kay. You will be miserable if you don't.”
I knew that, I lay awake at night sick with the thoughts of it, but I couldn't say a word to him.
I wouldn't.
“He is so happy about movin' into the new house and to be movin' forward with our relationship... I don't want to ruin that for him.”
Aideen furrowed her eyebrows at me when I looked back up at her and locked onto her concerned gaze. “If you don't level with him, eventually there won't be a relationship left to ruin,” she said, her voice stern.
I was motionless as I sat before Aideen and stared at her with unblinking eyes.
“I don't mean to be harsh,” she started. “But how long do you think it will be before you start to resent Alec for leadin' your life for you?”
I didn't speak, I just sat on the floor and stared.
“You're an independent woman, Kay, and you like being one. I love Alec, I do, but if he doesn't stop decidin' everythin' for the both of you he will lose you.”
I was surprised when my eyes welled up and hot tears fell from my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks when I blinked. I quickly reached up and wiped the tears away, but it was too late, Aideen saw and was on the floor in front of me reaching her arms out and comforting me with a hug.
“How long have you been feelin' like this?” she asked me.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and dropped my head to her shoulder. “A good while,” I admitted.
Aideen sighed as she swayed us from side to side for a few moments.
“I'm havin' nightmares too,” I whispered.
Aideen froze, then after a moment she pulled back from me and stared at me with sad eyes.
She swallowed. “What are they about?”
I sniffled, “Everythin'. Darkness. The Bahamas. Storm gettin' hurt. Just... everythin'.”
I burst into an uncontrollable sob and it must have shocked Aideen who flinched. She regained her composure and quickly pulled me back into a hug. She swayed and hushed me until my sobs became mere sniffles and my eyes ran dry.
“You need to talk to someone, Kay,” Aideen whispered.
I gripped onto her tightly. “I am. I'm talkin' to you.”
Aideen sighed and gave me a tight squeeze.
She said nothing further and I was grateful for it because if she said anything else there was a strong chance I would have gone into detail and told her everything that was going on inside my head. I couldn't let that happen, no good would come from releasing those demons.
It had been thirteen months since I left Darkness and all those horrible people behind me, and as far as anyone could tell I was fine. I appeared fine because I had myself in check, but Aideen saw a glimpse of how fucked up I really was about my past. Now that she knew I had nightmares she would push it until I told her everything. It was bad enough I told her about Alec because now she wouldn't rest until I spoke to him about how I was feeling.
“I'm fine,” I said and cleared my throat.
I forced myself to breathe so I would calm down and stop sniffling, and when the tears stopped I pulled back from Aideen and gave her a small smile. I could tell she wasn't buying it though.