Yet here were Pearl and Eldin, whom she’d just met, worried about her feelings and taking her into their life because they cared. Just like Raina Chandler, like Charlotte and Roman, Beth . . . the list of people who cared for Kendall seemed to go on and on. Yet wasn’t she equally concerned about them?

She wiped a tear from her cheek, one she hadn’t realized she’d shed. And what about Pearl and Eldin, she thought, taking in the brownies. How could she tell them they needed to move out of the large house into the smaller one just so she could sell the home out from under them?

The same way she’d told her sister she was taking her away from Yorkshire Falls, that’s how. And the same way she’d ignored Rick’s words. I love you, he’d said. And she’d walked away anyway. She shivered despite the heat, realizing she still stood on the porch.

With a sigh, she picked up the plate of brownies and let herself inside. Happy made a beeline across the house to greet her at the front door. Tail wagging, he jumped on her, his front paws nearly hitting her plate.

“Happy, down.”

Her stern voice worked. The dog settled at her feet in a sitting position, but his tail still wagged with glee. “At least someone’s happy to see me today.” After putting her things down in the kitchen, she gave the dog the attention he craved, and he reciprocated, the laps of his tongue and his furry acceptance almost more than she could handle.

He loved her unconditionally and all he asked in return was that she love him back. Despite the fact that she’d been a perfect stranger until last night, he trusted her to provide him with that safe haven and love he sought.

And she would. So why couldn’t she trust the same way? When had her life become so complicated, Kendall wondered. She walked to the window, Happy at her side, and looked out at the backyard, at the stretch of green grass and trees she remembered from childhood. The sight brought her back to the tea parties with Aunt Crystal where the stuffed animals were the guests. Kendall realized now that her aunt had used the animals as weights to prevent the towel they sat on from blowing away in the wind. But she didn’t care. The animals had consumed her tea and they hadn’t answered back or interrupted her stories.

Neither, she remembered, had Aunt Crystal. A smile tipped her lips at the wonderful memory. One that didn’t bring her pain, only comfort, and she hugged the dog close. With the memory came the answer to her earlier question. Kendall couldn’t give blind trust the way Happy did because she was human. She had memories, both good and bad, which shaped the person she’d become. An empty, distrustful person, she thought sadly.

Even Rick, who’d been burned badly once before, had opened his heart. And she’d destroyed any love and respect he’d once had.

You’re unable to commit, unwilling to face your fears, he’d said. And I’m disappointed in you.

His words had been like a punch in the stomach, then and now. They’d had the same emotional impact Aunt Crystal’s words had when she’d told Kendall she couldn’t stay in Yorkshire Falls. The same impact her parents’ second departure had had, the day they’d packed Hannah off for boarding school and left again for parts unknown. Kendall wrapped her arms around her waist, trying to get past the remembered pain.

Rick was right. She couldn’t trust because she hadn’t faced her fears. She hadn’t dealt with her past, but she was dealing now. Because she’d already lost Rick, was on the verge of losing Hannah, and she realized, probably too late, that she no longer wanted to be alone.

The irony was clear. The very life she’d always run from was the life she’d secretly craved. The startling thought ricocheted through her brain. The little girl who’d loved tea parties had subconsciously dreamed of having a family of her own. People who loved her. People she trusted to be there in good times and bad.

But since her parents hadn’t been those people in her formative years and Aunt Crystal couldn’t be, Kendall had closed herself off to any more hurt, disappointment, or pain. Her first step had been to convince herself that by the time she was eighteen and her parents left again, she was already so estranged that she didn’t care where they went or what they did. But she’d lied to herself, she realized now.

Losing parents in any way, at any age, hurt badly. She’d lost hers twice, both times because they’d rather travel than be with her, and the effect on her psyche had been devastating. She’d withdrawn so far from her emotions it was amazing Rick had been able to break through at all.

Tags: Carly Phillips Chandler Brothers Romance
Source: readsnovelonline.net