Our gazes locked as we both considered this. I thought it was just me, and from the look on his face, Evan had thought the same thing about himself. Knowing we had such an odd similarity struck me right in the gut. I didn’t know what to make of it.
“I couldn’t deal with it if it wasn’t for her,” Evan said quietly.
“Me either,” I said. “With Raine, I mean.”
“All the more reason I should stay away from Lia,” he said. “She deserves better, but I can’t let her go. I also can’t get out of my debt to Rinaldo. At some point, it will become either her or him, and I can’t choose between them.”
“You are fucked up.” I took in a long breath and thought about it for a minute. Evan was fucked up because of a war and whatever happened to him over there. None of that shit was his fault. What was my excuse? Crappy childhood and a woman running out on me? It all sounded kind of lame to me now.
I was trying, though. I tried to keep myself off the booze even if I had failed. I wanted to be better for Raine, and I wanted to be a good father for Alex. I didn’t have the slightest fucking idea what that entailed, but I fully intended to figure it out.
Evan was different.
He’d been cheating on his girl. All right, maybe not with another woman, but he was doing what she didn’t want him to do with full knowledge that he was going against her wishes. I had the feeling that he would ultimately side with Moretti, if it ever came to that. It wasn’t the same situation as mine. I’d had a momentary lapse of judgment under a stressful situation and taken a drink. He was actively planning his deceptions.
“That doesn’t end my relationship with Franks,” I pointed out. “Maybe that would secure your retirement, but I’d still be in the same situation.”
“I’ll kill Franks,” he said simply.
I stared at him, unblinking, and considered what he was saying.
If I acted on my own, there was always the risk of being caught. If everyone thought Evan was dead, and Franks got knocked off a while later, it would never be traced back to me. As long as he was gone, Franks would lose his hold over me, and the organization would be in a total uproar as they tried to figure out who would be in charge. All my past transgressions would be forgotten.
“So, what do you think? Evan asked.
“Dude, I think you make me sound like a fucking angel,” I said. “When this is over, I’m going to tell Raine how much worse it could be.”
“You can’t tell her that if you don’t get out of this,” he pointed out.
“True.” My mind was spinning. What he was suggesting could actually work. It was fucked up and insane, but it could still work. It meant trusting him, which was probably a mistake, but I was out of options.
“So we should find a way to end it?” he pressed. “We both come out alive, but as far as anyone else is concerned, I’m dead.”
I looked at him carefully. There was no deceit in his eyes. He was being perfectly straightforward with me. He wanted to figure out how to get both of us out of this mess and didn’t give a shit about winning.
That’s how we were different. I had to win.
There was no choice. At least for now, we were going to work together.
“So what’s your plan?” I asked. My teeth were starting to chatter, which was a really bad sign. Whatever we were going to do, we were going to have to do it quickly. My head was throbbing as well, and I was pretty sure the dizziness and nausea I was feeling were indicative of a concussion.
“Neither of us can move without help,” he said, stating the obvious. “I’m guessing you can’t see what I see.”
“A kid I’ve killed in the past?” I said. “No, I don’t see that.”
Evan shook his head.
“Not him,” he said. “The position of the rock next to your leg.”
I had to crane my neck and tilt my head over as far as I could, but I finally saw a glimpse of what Evan was talking about. To my right, below Evan, there was a channel of snow. The ditch would have been formed by the rocks lining one side of it—the same rocks that pinned my leg to the ground below me.
“I’m pretty sure I can move the rock up against your leg out of the way with my foot,” Evan explained. “Once it’s gone, you should be able to pull yourself out and keep your leg intact. Well, as intact as it is now. It’s broken.”
“Yeah, I can tell that.”
He looked at me closely.
“That’s gotta hurt like a bitch,” he commented.