Alyssa nodded. “I believe it does.”
“I hope so.” Griff squeezed his eyes shut and gave voice to his greatest fear. “But what if it doesn’t? What do we do if it doesn’t? Can you stand to be awakened by my nightmares every night of your life for the next forty or fifty years?”
Alyssa blinked back tears. “I can if you can,” she promised. “I can stand anything as long as I have you. As long as I can hold you in my arms. As long as you let me love you for the next forty or fifty years…”
“Oh, sweetheart,” he murmured, “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to break your heart. I don’t want you to suffer with me when you might have a chance to be happy with someone else…”
“There is no one else for me,” Alyssa promised him. “Only you.”
“Then we’re in complete accord.” Griff pulled her close, then leaned down and took her in his arms and kissed her, his path in life suddenly, vividly clear. “I’m not leaving you, Alyssa. I’m not setting you free.” He smiled down at her. “I refused the offer of a new command. My place is here with you. I spoke with the prime minister and with the regent and the senior members of the War Department about t
he conditions in the field—the food, the supply lines or lack thereof, the incompetence of officers and the lack of training of the common soldiers, as well as the burdens placed upon young officers, like Hughey, who are forced to supply their own equipment or forced to do without. We agreed that we must improve and reorganize the military. From top to bottom. I believe there’s a better, more efficient way, to run an army and I intend to find it. I’m buying Knightsguild and I’m going to use it to train military leaders—especially foolhardy and hot-headed cavalry officers. I want to make a difference. And I want you to help me.”
“I’ll help you in every way I can,” Alyssa told him. “But I know nothing about the military except what I learned from you.”
Griff laughed. “Alyssa, my darling duchess, you’re the best field commander I’ve ever seen. You know all there is to know about organizing and mobilizing large groups of people and I want you to teach me everything you know.”
Alyssa grinned. “That may take some time, Your Grace, for I have a vast store of knowledge on the subject.”
“I’m counting on it taking some time, Your Grace,” Griff answered. “Say, for the rest of our lives?” He leaned down and kissed her again. “I love you, Alyssa. More than anything and I intend to love you for the remainder of my life and beyond.”
“Then we’re in complete accord, my love,” Alyssa whispered. “For that’s exactly how long it will take.”
Epilogue
“A man must have love. He cannot live without it.”
—Griffin, Duke of Avon, journal entry, 19 July 1811
“What are you going to do about Sussex?” Griffin asked as he lay holding his wife in his arms.
“Nothing,” Alyssa replied. “I’m a very happily married woman.” She rolled to her side, within the circle of his arms, and faced him. “The question is: What are you going to do about Sussex?”
Griffin eyed her suspiciously. “Why do you ask?”
“Rumor has it he desperately wants to become a member of your Free Fellows League. Are you going to allow it?”
“Probably,” Griff admitted. “So long as he proves his worth.”
“I’ll wager his future duchess isn’t going to like that,” Alyssa murmured. “Unless you do something about that horrid clause in the charter.”
Griff arched an eyebrow and tried his best to appear annoyed. “What clause in what charter?”
“As if you didn’t know,” Alyssa retorted. “You talk in your sleep, Griffin. You agonize in your sleep. And a great deal of that agonizing could be remedied if you’d just get together with the other Free Fellows—whoever and however many there are—and amend the clause in the charter that forbids Free Fellows from loving their wives.”
Griffin was astonished. He still suffered frequent nightmares and he knew he talked in his sleep, but he had no idea that he’d been so forthcoming and coherent. Alyssa had never breathed a word of the secrets he spilled in his sleep—until now. “Do I mention specifics?”
“Incessantly.”
“And what exactly are they?”
Alyssa shrugged. “The fact that you love me with all your heart and the fact that it goes against the charter and the blood oath you swore to uphold.”
“Any idea what clause I’m agonizing over?”
Alyssa smiled. “The fifth one. You know the one that states that you shall never be encumbered by sentiment known as love or succumb to female wiles or tears.”
Griffin blushed. “And you think I’d sleep better if I call a meeting of the Free Fellows League and propose an amendment to that clause in the charter?”