I sighed. “I am,” I said. “If I could get the gallery open, that would solve a lot of problems. It just feels like I’m not doing anything productive with my life. And as much as Dad tells me it doesn’t matter, that he’s not trying to pressure me to get a job, I can’t help but feel like I’m wasting everything that he’s given me. He helped put me through college, but I’m doing nothing with that degree.
“It’s probably better that this whole thing with Trethan didn’t work out because at least I don’t have to tell Dad that instead of getting out and conquering the world or whatever it is that I’m supposed to be doing, I’ve gone right back to the fuck-up I was when I left.”
“Come on, now,” Julie scolded. “You were never a fuck-up, Vanessa. You know that.”
“I know,” I sighed, running a hand back through my hair. I was silent for a long time. “To be honest, I’m still just scared of how much I wanted things to work out with Trethan this time.”
The look she gave me was almost pitying. “Things will work out for you. You know that.”
I sighed. “Will they?” I held up a hand before she could answer. “I know they will. Somehow. I’m just not sure that I’ll like the way things work out. I guess that’s what scares me the most.”
“If you don’t like things, you can always change them,” Julie said. “But really, I think you need to talk to Trethan. I know it’s going to be a difficult conversation, but you owe it to the both of you to sit down and listen to one another. Maybe there’s a good reason he canceled on you today. Something more than that he just didn’t feel like going on a picnic.”
“True,” I said.
The first of the fireworks went off then, ending our conversation. But as I stared up at the brilliant bursts, I couldn’t help hoping she was right.
Chapter Seventeen
Trethan
Since I’d started working for John, manual labor had become my go-to when I needed to turn off my brain for a little while. So the morning after dropping Brent at the rehab center, I decided to muck out the stables. It was a project that I normally waited on until I had to get it done. Of course, I would never wait until the horses were su
ffering or anything like that, but I had worked there long enough that I knew exactly how long each horse could go between muckings.
That morning, though, I decided I was going to clean out every stall in the entire place. And then maybe re-stain all the fencing around the ranch, something that didn’t really need to be done but would at least keep me busy doing something useful.
Those plans were derailed, though, when Vanessa wandered into the stables early in the morning.
She wrinkled her nose when she saw what I was working on. “I grew up around this place, but I’ve never enjoyed all the unpleasantness that comes along with raising large animals.”
I grinned.
“Maybe I was born into the wrong family, or switched at birth or something,” she said. “Don’t get me wrong. Dad’s great, and Mom was so wonderful, as well. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so lucky to have been born into this family.”
She glanced at my arms, and I could tell she was thinking of what I’d revealed that night in the Roasted Bison. I still couldn’t believe I’d told her about the abuse. She was the first person I’d ever admitted that stuff to. She probably had no idea she was the only one who knew.
I didn’t know what to say in response, but fortunately, she was talking again before I had time to answer. “I heard this great joke the other day, want to hear it?” I could tell from the way she said it that I was going to hear it whether I wanted to or not. “Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside of him?”
“No,” I said, playing along. “Tell me.”
“The doctor described his condition as stable,” she finished.
I tried to laugh, but even I could hear that it sounded weak. Everything that had happened in the past couple days cast a dark cloud over everything. Vanessa tried to smile at me, but her smile seemed forced. I could tell she was rambling just to stall for time. I wondered what she really wanted. I didn’t have to wonder for long, though.
“What happened yesterday?” she asked bluntly. “Where were you?”
“I can’t tell you that,” I grunted, continuing to shovel clumps of hay out of the stall.
“Of course, you can’t,” she said, sounding angry. “I thought I could trust you, Trethan. I was starting to believe that you really might have changed, just like you’d told me. But it was all lies, wasn’t it?”
I was silent because it wasn’t as though I could really say anything to that. Wasn’t this what I wanted, anyway? For her to know better than to hang around with me? I should be happy that this whole thing with Brent had somehow exploded whatever it was that I might have had with Vanessa.
“I don’t know how I could have been so stupid,” she said, sounding upset. “Here I was, thinking that you’d changed, thinking that maybe I could open my heart to you. But I don’t trust you, Trethan. I’m not going to tell my dad about this, but honestly, I wonder if maybe I should. He seems to believe that you’re so much better now, that you’re stable enough to be around the horses, that you’re stable enough for him to rely on you.
“But how do I know that you’re not just going to get drunk and flake on him like you did with me yesterday? And do you realize what that could cost the business if you were to do something stupid like that?”
I whirled toward her, fighting the urge to slam my shovel down in anger. “I wasn’t drunk yesterday,” I snapped.