Jordan and I continued to talk, but I tried to listen in on what Chase and Nate were saying as well. It sounded like they were talking about Stephano and that was what originally perked my ears up. Anything that had to do with Stephano Copal certainly was something I wanted to hear.
“Is Stephano coming after me?” I said, totally ignoring whatever it was that Jordan had said to me.
Chase looked at Nate and waited for him to answer. I didn’t like the look the two men exchanged at all. There was something going on, there was a danger that they weren’t telling me about.
“I’m pretty sure you are safe here,” Chase said.
He sounded about as convincing as a fat woman selling a diet plan. The way he avoided making eye contact with me and looked to Nate to guide him in his answers, I didn’t like it one bit. My whole feeling of safety slipped from me, and within a week, Nate was going to be gone as well. Somehow I had to gain control over what was going on.
“Tell me the truth, you two. I’m not a child. I’ll worry about it more if I don’t have the details. At least with the information, I can worry about the right things.”
I looked to Jordan for support in my quest for information, but she appeared to be hiding something as well. There was a secret looming over the three of them, and none of them wanted to tell me exactly what was going on.
“I’m here; there’s nothing for you to worry about. And when I leave, you can go to Chase’s house. He just put in a top notch security system that’s better than Fort Knox.”
I felt the fear as it started to build up from the pit of my stomach and then moved out to my fingertips. The blood didn’t seem to be reaching them and they all started to tingle. My chest was getting tight and my vision a little blurry as I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself down.
Up until that very moment, I had been on a road to recovery and I knew it. But the way my body reacted to the news that Nate was leaving and I would either have to stay alone at the house or go to live with Jordan; well, my reaction was a clear sign that I wasn’t getting any better at all.
I couldn’t talk and I didn’t want everyone staring at me as my panic attack started to set in. Without saying a word, I turned and made my way to the house. Sure, I knew it would get some sort of reaction from everyone. I knew they were going to be worried about me, but I had to get away from them. I had to get away from the conversation and all thoughts of change.
Change wasn’t my friend at that moment. All I wanted to do was the exact same thing every single day. I wanted to get up and have a few sips of a protein shake, then head out on a long run. I wanted to take my shower and sit on the front porch while Nate did his jobs around the house. Then I’d read one of the many romance novels Jordan had provided for me until afternoon when we’d have lunch. This had already become my routine in the last week and I didn’t want to change it. My body felt relaxed from the day-to-day boringness, and that was exactly how I wanted it to stay.
“You’re going to have to learn how to deal with your anxiety sooner or later,” Nate hollered after me when he realized I had walked away.
“Shut up!” I screamed back at him.
“See, she’s getting better,” he joked with Jordan and Chase.
I had barely closed my bedroom door when there was a knock at it. It was going to be Jordan, I knew it. She couldn’t just let me be for one minute, she had to be there to help me.
“Go away, Jordan, I don’t want to talk.”
“It’s not Jordan, and I’m not going away,” Nate said as he opened my door.
“Hey! I could have been getting undressed or something.”
“You need to get your ass back out there. We are trying to talk about what to do when I’m gone. This is your life, Ana, you can’t just walk away from it.”
“Get out of my room!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “Jordan! Chase!” I hollered.
“I told them to stay outside. I know what this feels like right now, Ana. I know it. But you need to let it come. You have to let the fear come so you know you can handle it. Now walk back out there.”
He stood with the door open and his hand pointed toward the front of the house. The determination in his eyes was infuriating. Who did he think he was? He didn’t know what it was like for me. Nathan Foster had zero idea what it was like to be held captive and drugged by a man. His cute smile and adorable eyes weren’t going to convince me of anything. He didn’t know what I was going through.
“Get out of my room and leave me alone,” I continued to scream as I tried to push him out of my bedroom.
My hands pressed up against what felt like solid stone as Nate stood still and didn’t move, not even an inch. His feet were firmly planted on the ground as he looked down at me with a flat expression.
“I’m not leaving, Ana. Get back outside.”
“No!”
“Then you’re going to spend a lot of energy trying to push me out of this room. Because I’m not leaving until you get your ass back outside.”
“You don’t know what it’s like for me. You can’t possibly know. I had drugs forced into my body. I can’t remember several weeks of my life. I have nightmares about waking up and not knowing where I am. You don’t know!”
My screams turned into cries as I started to pound my fists on Nate’s chest in an effort to get him to leave me alone. But instead of leaving, Nate wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him. His firm grip on me prevented me from continuing to hit him and I was forced to rest my head on his chest as I cried.