On the way, she tried to figure out what she’d say. I don’t deserve you? No way. Nate was too nice to accept something like that.
I’m afraid of the future? Nate would say that they’d figure it out together.
I need time? For what?
She didn’t know how to encapsulate all of her weird worries and hesitations and fears into words. At least, not into anything shorter than a novel.
When she reached the house, she wasn’t any more clear on what she wanted to say. But Eva was yawning on the porch, clutching a cup of coffee—and if Stella knew her daughter, it would be three-quarters milk and sugar, one-quarter coffee—and sitting on the little wicker loveseat that their grandmother had had for decades.
Seizing the opportunity to delay talking to Nate, Stella shifted back to human and wandered up to take a seat next to her daughter. “Good morning.”
Eva yawned again. “Morning.” She took a long slurp of her tan coffee-flavored milk.
“What brings you out here?” Normally, Eva liked to curl up on the couch with her phone while she slowly returned to the human world. She had not inherited Stella’s sleep issues, for which Stella was grateful, but it sometimes made mornings a little bit of a trial.
“Nate,” Eva said around another yawn.
Stella froze. “What about him?”
Eva shrugged. “He’s bouncing around the downstairs like he just slammed a couple of 5-Hour Energy drinks and then ate a box of chocolate espresso beans. He installed a bunch of cameras and now I think he’s...cleaning or something. It’s weird.” She took another long slurp of coffee. “Then he started asking me about college and what my plans for the future were. And it’s morning, so I escaped out here.”
Nothing serious could be discussed within at least an hour of getting up. It was a house rule that Eva had installed after one too many questions about her life over the breakfast table.
“He was asking you about college?” Stella asked slowly.
Eva nodded, face buried in her mug. “What sort of things do I want to study. Do I want to live in a dorm. Am I applying early admissions anywhere,” she said when she emerged. “I don’t know why he’s so interested.”
I do. Stella bit her lip, wondering if she should tell Eva yet or not.
Not yet, she decided finally. She’d talk to Nate first.
Besides, she’d be breaking the one-hour rule if she brought it up now.
“Well,” she said decisively, standing up again, “I guess I’ll go see what’s got him all energized. Enjoy your coffee, sweetie.”
“Always do.”
Stella kissed her daughter on her messy bedhead and went inside, trepidation rising in her chest once again.
Nate was doing dishes in the kitchen, whistling to himself. When Stella came in, her footsteps falling softly on the floor, he turned around instantly, a soft smile spreading over his face.
That smile could be mine, Stella thought, every day for the rest of my life. She tried a shaky smile of her own. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he said softly. “I just want to say first—I want you to take as much time as you need to decide what you want from this, okay? I get that it’s a huge thing, and it could completely transform both of our lives, and I want you to be totally comfortable and okay with whatever we end up deciding to do.”
Stella’s mouth fell open. “That...wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.”
He turned off the water and dried his hands on a dishtowel. But he didn’t come towards her, like she’d been half-expecting; he leaned back against the counter, posture open and expression calm. “What were you expecting me to say?”
Stella shrugged uncomfortably. “That you could figure this out, I guess. That you knew it was all going to work out and be fine.”
“No one knows how the future’s going to go,” Nate said soberly. “I can’t promise you everything’s going to be fine, no matter what happens. All I can promise is that I’m going to do my best to make it fine. And that includes letting you figure out what you want. Because if I just say what I want, that’s not going to make for a very good start to anything.”
Stella could feel her lip trembling. Before she could actually start to cry, she took a step forward, and then another, and then flung herself into Nate’s arms.
He wrapped her up tight immediately. “Hey,” he murmured into her ear, “hey, hey, what’s wrong?”
Stella shook her head, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. Her eyes felt hot, her chest tight.