ile he scuffed his against the carpet. Any word that would come from Kerstan would be about Lieve and I missed her desperately.
“What was the word, Luuk?” I asked with a curious impatience.
He looked up at me sharply. I should have known better than to ask questions, because he didn’t like having to answer to anyone. I owe you nothing, he told us when we came into his house, and you owe me your freedom until your debts are paid off. Then I will decide what to do with you.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled looking down. But tell me what you know or I might scream, I finished to myself.
He cleared his throat and shoved his hands into his pockets, “What I’m going to say will be very hard for you to hear, but I will not allow you to take a break from working off your debt. I want you to understand that before I tell you.”
I nodded. My heart started to sink; almost as if a sudden anchor had been released from deep within and was dragging it down to a place where I would never feel again.
“Amity is dead.”
I stood there and stared at Luuk. I felt sick and dizzy all at the same time as the words resounded in my mind over and over.
Amity is dead.
“How did it happen?” I asked my voice barely above a whisper.
“I don’t know. I only know that Amity is dead. That is all that I received from Kerstan in the way of information. Since I know that you loved each other, I wanted to tell you. You can rejoin the other girls downstairs now,” he said, turning and disappearing into his room.
I watched his door slam shut in my face and I stood there. I couldn’t find it inside of myself to think anymore, let alone move. How was it possible that Amity was dead? She was the smartest of us all and she could sometimes wrap Kerstan around her finger. It was true that they hated each other fiercely and she challenged his authority every chance she could, but I could tell that Kerstan loved her in a twisted way. He couldn’t have done this, could he?
Kerstan and Amity were locked in a constant struggle. He would send her out to work and she would come back with a bag full of money each time, but it would always be short. I remember one time when he asked her why there was money missing, she simply smiled at him and pulled a pack of cigarettes of out her bra and lit one.
“A girl has to have some kind of perks to keep working,” she had said with a smirk.
Kerstan smacked her across the face for it and she simply threw the cigarette at his feet and stomped it out with her heel. I watched the tears well in her eyes as she held her head up and left the room.
With as much as I hate to say it, it was as if she had been so used to him smacking her and mistreating her that it didn’t seem to bother her anymore.
I envied her for that. She was used to the abuse and she still defied him. She was stronger than I had ever hoped to be and now this? It didn’t seem right.
I stood there for another twenty minutes before I finally found it within myself to go down to the common room. Minikin had been standing at the bottom of the staircase impatiently waiting for me.
How was I going to tell her what Luuk had just told me? How was I going to tell her that the one person that tried so desperately to protect her couldn’t protect herself when it mattered?
Two
It was the next day and I still hadn’t told Minikin. I hadn’t eaten since Luuk told me and I slept like shit. She could tell that something was obviously wrong, but she didn’t ask. Famke (former Tilly of Great Britain, the beauty with the caramel colored skin, hazel green eyes, and wild curly black hair) approached us at breakfast and sat down across from us.
“Something’s wrong, Betje. It’s obvious. Did Luuk hurt you last night?” she asked curiously.
“Not physically,” I replied truthfully.
I liked Famke; she was this house’s version of Amity. She didn’t take shit from Luuk and always stood up for us when she felt as if though we were being threatened. Of course she suffered horrible punishments for it, but like Amity, she kept a smile on her face and her head held high.
“What did the bastard say to you, love?” she asked quietly.
I glanced at Minnie for a moment. She had a spoonful of oatmeal hovering in front of her open mouth, waiting for me to answer Famke.
“I ... don’t want to talk about it,” I replied pushing my bowl away. I didn’t even know why I had taken it because I wasn’t hungry.
“Stay home today then. If he tries to make you go to work, you come find me and I’ll set him straight,” she said reaching across the table and giving my hand a squeeze, before grabbing her bowl and moving down the table. Famke made it a morning ritual to check on all the girls to make sure that we were all okay.
“She makes me miss Lieve,” Minikin said setting her spoon back into her bowl.
“Me too,” I whispered.