“Drinking Red Bull now?” He raises an eyebrow. “That stuff will kill you.”
“Plenty of stuff will kill you, Bram.” I laugh and shrug.
I emptied the garbage can a couple of times, as well as the one we borrowed, but I didn’t get around to doing it after we made our final pass through the office while cleaning up. Bram’s probably suspicious, but he has plenty to worry about, so that’s the end of it. I’m certainly not going to tell him that I caught a beautiful girl trashing my office and let her spend the night on my couch—then spent the next night with her at my apartment.
There was a time when Bram would’ve been the first person I told about Ainsley. I would’ve expected him to give me shit about the age difference but tell me that he’s supportive. That’s what best friends do. I don’t know what he’d do now, especially after the way I reacted when I found out he was dating my daughter. This is something I just have to keep to myself right now. I’m not ashamed of it. I just really don’t care how anyone reacts, supportive or not. I’ll cross those bridges when I get there.
For now, I’ll do my job and miss her.
The end of the day can’t come quick enough. I’m the first one out the door. I don’t even say goodbye to anyone. It’s stupid. It isn't like Ainsley is going to be waiting on me when I get home, but that’s where we shared so much. I’m already thinking about what we shared in my office, so I might as well savor a change of scenery where I can get comfortable and relax. I feel like a teenager again. So full of life. So enthusiastic about things I never expected to be happy about again. The first thing I do when I get home is text her.
Lawson: Still at work?
Ainsley: Taking a break to eat dinner. I picked up another shift tonight. I need as many hours as I can get.
Lawson: Any idea where you’re going to live?
Ainsley: There are some apartments near the restaurant. I’m going to see if there are any ads for roommates. I don’t think I can afford it on my own.
Lawson: What about school? Didn’t you tell me that your mom wanted you to try to go back to college?
Ainsley: That doesn’t seem like an option now. She just wants me out of the house.
Lawson: Have you asked her?
Ainsley: No, we didn’t speak at all today.
Lawson: You should try…
Ainsley: I don’t have enough hours in the day to work, much less go to class.
Lawson: Would you go if you could?
Ainsley: I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly a good student. Well, except for Principal Brooks. ;)
Lawson: You could do anything you put your mind to. You’re very smart. You don’t want to wait tables the rest of your life, do you?
Ainsley: Not really…
Lawson: P
romise me you’ll think about it?
Ainsley: Yes. I will.
We continue to trade text messages until Ainsley has to return to work. I don’t even ask if we’ll get a chance to talk, nor do I ask about the weekend. I assume both are off the table at this point if she is going to work late and try to pick up extra shifts when she can. It sucks, but it isn’t the end of the world. She’s still texting me. She’s still teasing me. We’ll find our way back to each other eventually. I might even have to make a weekend trip to Cedar Grove, just to see her for a few hours if nothing else.
I’m definitely in deep. Maybe even over my head. Fuck it. I’ll drown if that’s what it takes. I’m too happy to bother coming up for air at this point. I’d rather be a fool falling in love than the sad sack of shit I was before Ainsley walked into my life. I don’t want to be that guy again. He had absolutely nothing to live for, and I do.
I reach over and pick up the sonogram on the coffee table in front of me. Yeah, I’m an old man now. I was a kid when I got married, a kid when I went to war, and I was still a kid with two of my own after Kiana was born. I don’t have a right to claim Ainsley’s youth when I wasted my own, but that’s exactly what I’m trying to do.
What’s one more sin when you’re already going to hell?
Chapter Nineteen
Ainsley
Despite everything that isn’t going my way right now, having someone to talk to helps. The only person I used to really have on my side was Sarah, but she never gave me good advice. If anything, she just helped me poison my life. Not that I really needed any help. I’ve managed to screw things up just fine on my own.